Can't help but Love You (Bucky Barnes FF)

Chapter 5

I close my apartment door behind me and press my back against it. A few deep breaths.

What the fuck was that? What did I do?

All of that talk about taking a 'leap of faith'? What am I? The pope? Why would I say that?

He's probably never going to want to talk to me again. I wouldn't blame him. I acted like an idiot out there.

But when we...when we kissed, there was that moment - right before his demeanor shifted - when it felt like pure ecstasy. I was so sure, that he was feeling the same. So what happened?

It's almost like a switch was flipped.

I lift my fingers to gently touch my lips. I can still feel him there. He claimed them. You don't kiss anyone like that unless you're kind of interested. Right?

I don't even know why I'm getting so worked up over this. I've had my fair share of dates with a little make out sesh, maybe even more at the end. What's the difference?

Maybe it's how fucking good his hands felt on me. How soft his lips were. The way he looked at me, after I gave him that first short kiss, right before he pulled me towards him.

I swear to God, I've never been looked at like that. And I don't even know what it was behind his eyes. Maybe a mixture of surprise, desire, lust and...pain? No that can't be right.

Well, he told me he has been through some shit, so maybe it was pain in his look. When you experience things - like losing your parents - they are your permanent companion. The pain never truly goes away. I would know.

My hand moves up further to my forehead, where he planted that good-night-kiss. You don't...kiss a person on the forehead if you don't like...care a little, do you?

Oh dear God, I should just go to sleep. I'm reading so much into this, it's ridiculous.

But my feet don't carry me to my bed, they bring me to my kitchen window. I look outside and down to the street, where I just left James.

Of course he's gone. I don't know what I expected but my heart still sinks.

I hate this. Absolutely hate this. And I for sure know, that I won't be getting any sleep anytime soon. My thoughts are racing.

What did he say his full name was? James...Barnes? What was that middle part? And why did it sound so familiar?

I rush into my living room, take my laptop and fall onto the sofa with it on my lap.

"Who are you James?" I whisper to myself and jump at the raspyness of my voice. Maybe I should drink some water considering all the beers I had tonight. But I am on a mission. So no water right this second.

I begin typing into Google: James B

I can't remember the middle name to save my life. So I just type what I know.

James Bucky Barnes

And ENTER.

I-

Oh my...fucking God.

My heart stumbles before it starts beating out of my chest at what I'm reading.

Holy fucking shit.

Sergeant James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes (b. March 10, 1917), a.k.a. the Winter Soldier, has been an officer of the 107th Infantry Regiment in World War II and was exposed in captivity by experimentation with a variation of the Super Soldier serum.

James is the Winter Soldier? Captain America's best friend, that suffered a tragic accident and then later was made into the assassin by Hydra?