Yaar

BROKEN

                 

We all have freinds I also have friends but among them there are only 4 people who's close to my heart. They are my true friends who always help me to reach out of my problems no matter how complicated they are my friends are everything for me and why not they are the reason behind my smile. I'm  type of person who do not  like to be with anyone coz I'm such a Introvert or private person I does not  want to shear my feelings to anyone. I chose people wisely.

For gaining my trust it is not  that easy. When I'm 15 years old there was my friend who's name Is "Mayra" she and I were so close friends we're more then best friends but there something different about her. She come into an relationship with a boy name "Saurabh" . He was a nice guy.

At first I didn't like this but I saw love in her eyes for him that's why I couldn't refused her. Days passed now she started getting closer to him I don't have any problem in this obviously he's her boyfriend. But it makes me feel uncomfortable between them I told them that I think I should need to back from your side now but she's so kinda of child and silly in nature she said to me no there's not any problem. But one day her family get to know about all these I warned her so may times but she always refused me by saying no there's no one would care that much unfortunately everyone scold her for doing this without not let anyone know.

On that night I call her for asking what's the matter but she didn't picked up my call I messaged her hut she seen it and didn't reply to that also again days passed one day she call me herself and in a crying voice she said to me don't ever dare to call or messege me again. I'm just shocked at that time i don't know what the hell his just happend to me there's a person whom I called the bestfriend and they're even much then that just leave me alone without telling me the reason.

After this incident I'm just get out of this world I was lost I start living alone all the time the smile and the enjoyment on my face always people see that was gone now..... 

I didn't talk to my friends never received their call and whenever we met I stood silent but with a fake smile on my face. I don't want to let anyone know about this.

Even my friends could see that I'm a bit changed now the one who always seems energetic and excited in everything now lost intrest in his every favorable thing.

They asked me many time is there any problem. But I always refused them by making some reasonable excuses. 

I'm so changed right now I lost intrest in everything to make myself busy or not thunk about that I keep myself busy. But at night I cried daily. The worst thing that happened with me me time was I don't have any person to whom I can shear my feelings . Actually i don't even want because now I got trust issues. 

The one more reason why I feel low was I'm an overthinking person. Whenever I thought about something so seriously.

But Is it okay to be a broken person? 

No, never, not at any cost why the hell I should always need to think about that. Thats my ego which always force me to stop thinking about that. But still it's quite difficult for me. 

After a moth there's my annual exam I want to focus on my studies that time to avoid any inconvenience I locked myself in my house and study hardly to score as much as I could

When the results were announced I literally cry I scored a very good percentage and that's not easy for me that time. In my Half-yearly exams I was just passed in ever subject but now I could covered my marks. Thank-God, Thank-God finally!!! I'm back.

Now to make myself busy in these free days I planned a timetable for myself -: 3time exercise in a day and to keep myself fit proper homemade food.This idea would help me to stay calm and kee

.p my mind feel good and active but still  +whenever I saw people are with thier bestfriends and talimg about their bestie now I feel a bit uncomfortable. That tike I just get away from there to avoid these things.

I cry in the nights every single night i cry I'm totally in depression and I don't even know why the hell is that happend with me. 

Now I stop meeting to my friends they call me I picked up thier call but never go to meet them like before because I know going there would only hurt me. I'm so much hurt that time that I just don't even want to make any other friends I was scared of that is there anyone else that could handle my emotions 

Maybe no...... there wasn't 

After sometime the new session Started. So to keep my focus in studies I get admission in an institute. Now I even start writing diary on daily basis every night. 

I even made new friends there now. I feel much better now I'm trying my best to again finding myself. 

I start feeling good again my lost smile came back on my face. But, not as like before I was changed now less enjoyment and excitement.

Everyone told me broh you're changed now but jo one asked the reason why neither I told them. Because I know that they can't help me out of this situation. But still there are some moments with remind me of her.

Could I ever be able to stop thinking about her?

I try my best to avoid her thoughts but my damn fate show me such memories and incidents that remind me of her and our beautiful moments that we enjoy together.....