The Wannabee

Penny-

I arrived at my house only minutes after speeding out of the parking lot of the gas station. I parked my bike and walked in my house. I was about to go upstairs to my room but that's when I noticed a note on the table. I walked over to see what it said and as usual it was from my dad saying how he will be busy this week on a business trip.

Great. Now I have to fend for myself this week.

Feeling drained and dejected I walked up to my room and stripped out of my clothes so I could shower. Once I stepped in, the water was beating down against my back. I tried to get my mind to think about anything but what just happened not to long ago with Aj, but I couldn't. The way his eyes burned into mine. The way his lips felt.

Unconsciously my hand reached up and touched my lips. I quickly jerked away.

What is wrong with me?! I need to stop this. He shouldn't be able to have this affect on me. Whatever this is between us I need to stop it now.

But you know you love it. The attention. The spotlight.

I do. I do love it. I'm never in the spotlight. I never get any attention. I just want to be noticed again. I want it to go back to how it was before my mother was killed.

At the thought of my mother I couldn't stand anymore. My legs became weak. And I slowly slid my back down the wall tears burned my cheeks but were quickly washed away by the water of the shower.

I don't know how long I just sat there. But I couldn't move. I couldn't function. My body was disagreeing with my brain. Over and over again I would tell myself to get up, but I never did. I just sat there.

And sat there.

And sat there.

Nothing that I said in my head registered with my body. I didn't want to move, but I did. I didn't want to think, but I did. I didn't want to be the reason that my mom was dead, but I am.

*flashback*

"Penny!" Yelled my mother from downstairs. "Its time for dinner sweet pea."

That one sentence had me racing down the steps of our home. My mother was one of the best cooks there ever was. And I couldn't wait to see what amazing dish she cooked for us tonight.

As I was rounding the corner into the kitchen I heard a loud crash. Mom? What on earth is happening in ther-. My thought was cut off mid-way when I saw the scene in front of me. The large glass dish had been shattered on the floor and next to it was my mothers body. I stared at it all in horror. I slowly tore my gaze away to see a man standing above her body.

He looked at me and then down at his hand. It was then I noticed the gun. But I was too scared to move. My mother began to speak,"Run penny. Run!"
But I couldn't. My legs were like cement bricks. They were glued to the ground. The man started to raise the gun at me. And I closed my eyes waiting for what came next.

The gun went off, but I hadn't felt anything. What? When I slowly opened my eyes it was then that I saw what had happened. My mother had stood up briefly as the gun was fired. And instead of shooting me. The bullet had pierced her.
*end of flashback*

It was your fault. If you hadn't of been so scared you would've ran and she wouldn't have sacrificed herself in order to save you! If you would've listened she would be alive!

My hands flung to my ears. The tears poured down my face. I know I know I know! Stop it! Stop telling me! But it didn't stop. My subconscious continued to remind me of what I had done. What I had caused. There was no way to escape this mistake because there was no way that I could fix it.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when the water from the shower began to turn ice cold. For a second I thought that I could just sit there longer. But I saw the way my fingers had pruned and that was a sign that I needed to get out. So I did. Ever so slowly.

The mirror that was right in front of me showed my reflection. But I didn't see the girl I was. Or the girl I used to be. I saw the scared and cowering weakling staring back at me. And then an image of the man from that horrible night flashed across my mind.

I started to feel dizzy. My eyes drifted shut and I could only see blackness after that.
--------------------------------------------
I awoke to a horrible pain in my head. I slowly pushed myself up and that's when I noticed that I was still in the bathroom. Oh no not again. I haven't had a blackout for the last couple years.

This can't be happening. No no no no no. This isn't allowed to happen. I had been doing so well. Something must have triggered it. But what could've done that?

I pick my body up off the ground completely and I walk back into my room I see my phone light up on my dresser and I went over to look at it. Who the hell is texting me? I don't have any friends.

I open the message. Or should I say messages.

*Unknown* : Where are u? Why aren't you at school?
*Unknown* : I miss you
*Unknown* : It's Aj. Text me back love.
*Unknown* : what happened? I'm coming over.

That was the last message. And it came through five minutes ago. I quickly saved his contact.
There's no way that he could be coming bomber because he has no idea where I li-

My thought was cut short by the ringing of my doorbell. Could it be? Nah not a chance.

I walk down the stairs in a tank top and shorts that I threw on quickly and head towards my front door. As soon as I open it a pair of arms grab me.

My mouth opens in shock but clearly no sound is going to come out. Aj practically attacks me.

"Are you ok? Is someone here? Did they hurt you? Where are they? I am going to kill them!" He growls out as he charges passed me looking around.

It takes me a second to gather my thoughts but I quickly recover and I chase after him and grab his arm. He quickly spins around and looks at me with those oh so blue eyes. I stare at him and hope that he understands that I want him to calm down.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. But you didn't respond so I got really scared and I thought something had happened to you and I just wanted to make sure th-" I cut him off by crashing my lips to his.

He seemed shocked at first but he quickly recovered and kissed me back with a lot of force. His hands traveled to my waist and then under my butt to grasp my thighs and lift me up. Our lips continued to crash against each other and he started to walk. Aj backed me up against the wall and left kisses down my jaw line and down onto my collarbone. I let out a breath and he groaned into my ear. Clearly he was enjoying himself because he started to grind his hips into me. And I couldn't help but notice the little or should I say big problem he was having.

Maybe I could still put my previous plan into action and still get what I want. Yep that's what I'm gonna do.

As Aj started to suck on the side of my neck I decided to take the first step in plan. I used my legs that were wrapped around his waist to pull him closer to me so I could grind into him. This made him stop his assault on my neck and he let out a shaky breath in my ear.

"Love, I don't know if you know what you're getting yourself into." He pulled his face back to look at me and I kissed him hard one last time and then let go of him and walked upstairs to grab my phone.

Clearly he thought I was giving him an open invitation to enter my room because he did. I grabbed my phone and typed I know exactly what I'm getting into. And I sent it to him. I turned around to see him eyeing me curiously and I just smirked at him. His phone must've vibrated because he pulled it out. And I took that as my chance to run out of the room and down the stairs.

"Penny!" He screamed in that deep husky voice of his and I heard his loud stupid close behind me on the stairs. This only encouraged me to run faster but he is a lot faster than me and he quickly caught up to me. He carefully tackled me onto the couch and he hovered over me.

"Are you sure you no what you're getting into love?" He asked with a smirk plastered across his face.

I looked up with the same challenging smirk on mine. And I dared to nod my head yes. Let's just hope that I do know what I am doing and that I don't regret it in the end.