Over the years (Domson)

2022

*mention of suicide*

Dom's POV
It's January right now. I haven't seen Colson in three weeks I believe. Life has been going well then. For him. I was a depressive twat that couldn't get out of his bed. I watched videos and wasted my time on useless things. I watched an interview of Kells a newer one. In which he was... praising his girlfriend for enduring his moods and helping him with drug addiction and he officially openly in the internet apologized for his bad behaviour and the way he treated her in the past two years. I got absolutely furious. Who has been taking his dick to make him feel better?! Who was the one trying to help him?! I don't know about that bitch, but I surely know that it wasn't her who endured his bad behavior and moods. That was me being mentally destroyed. I got up and for the first time in months took a walk to calm down. When I got back to my house I noticed someone standing in front of it. It was Colson. "Hey, Dom. Have you got time?", he asked.

After the shock has worn off a bit I stormed past him into my house. "No, I don't wanna talk to you right now!", I yelled. "Why?", he asked. "Dude!! Are you senile?! I fookin befriended you I listened to your every fookin word, I respected you. I helped you with your problems, with your traumas and drug addiction. Was I really that worthless?! What was it Colson, huh?! Was it your lack of respect for me?! Me being girlish?! The lack of love and trust in our relationship?! What on earth was it that you backed out of our friendship after a goddamn kiss?!?! And still I gave you a second chance! I helped you or at least I tried! I gave you advice how to quit drugs, I recommended various therapists! And still you never actually did anything I recommended. And then just when I start making peace with the fact that you're not going to change and that you're just too stubborn to listen to me, I go on YouTube and have to hear you praising "your girl" about how she encouraged you and helped you to stop doing drugs. Like were my efforts useless?! Did you just ignore every word I said?! You put my efforts, my speeches and all my love and respect for you and stamped a big fat MEGAN FOX over it!!! And I can't have that! Especially not after taking your dick for over two years whenever you felt like it!! There ain't no respect anymore, there barely was ever any fookin love, at least from your party, becoz i loved you! I waited for you to realize it! I waited for you to fookin get that anytime you'd mention her name you break my heart all over again!! What did she do, the great Megan Fox, huh?!?!? Did she magically heal your traumas through pressing your face on her boobs?!?! Did you sweat your drug addiction out pumping her pussy?!?! What was it, that she did that was obviously so much more affective than my endless rants and recommendations and worries?! Was I annoying, was that the reason you obviously never fookin listened to me?! You know wha'?! I don't give a goddamn fook anymore!! Go fook your "girl" fook her so hard she forgets how to fookin breathe!! Maybe she'll also heal your annoying habit of playing with peoples feelings!! But for fooks sake, never ever show up on my door again!! Never!!! I HATE YOU!!", I screamed and only then I noticed how much I cried during my rage. "Dom-", he started. "GET OUT!!!!", I screamed. My voice was hoarse from all the screaming. I watched guilt and anger and sadness and rage all together combined in his eyes as he turned around and left my home. I went into my bedroom and laid down on my bed. Opposite to it hung the 'I think I'm OKAY' platinum framed. I jumped up and threw it out of the window. I heard it shatter on the sidewalk. I then collapsed on the floor and cried. I sobbed and screamed in pain. I loved him. I loved him so much... and he just didn't care. And him playing with me all this time, like I was some toy he could occasionally use for his needs and then just toss aside for the next play time, it hurt me so much. I was nothing to him. Just some freak that looked enough like a girl to occasionally dick down when he felt like it. This has to end.

Colsons POV
I knew what I did was wrong. But it surely couldn't have affected him that bad, could it? As I walked away from the front door I suddenly had to stop walking as something crashed right in front of me on the sidewalk. Something framed. Our platinum record certificate of our single 'I think I'm OKAY'. I stared at it in shock. I heard crying coming from the window above. I walked back to the front door. I felt bad for him. I opened the door and walked upstairs. I opened his bedroom door but he was nowhere to see. I heard something crash in the bathroom linked to the bedroom and directly walked inside it. My breath caught in my throat as I saw Dom laying on the floor lifeless next to his hand an empty pack of anti-depressants. His eyes were closed and his face was losing colour by the second. I fell to my knees next to him and sat him up in panic. I opened his mouth and shoved my finger down his throat. His body trembled before he threw up on the floor. The pills he took were clearly on display. I repeated my action until I was sure there was nothing left in his stomach. I took a deep breath as I noticed him breathing normally again and his pulse calming down. I carried him out of the bathroom and laid him down on his bed. Then I went to clean up his bathroom and right after I got myself a drink I heard him gasp in his bedroom and practically ran upstairs. I stopped in front of the bed. "Are you okay?!", I yelled worried. He nodded completely in shock. I handed him my glass of whiskey which he downed within seconds. Then I asked him to tell me everything. What have I done to him that he's literally crying in front of me, like I killed his dog? After two hours of crying and sobbing and after at least three asthma and five panic attacks he was done. I never noticed. I never fuckin noticed how much I hurt him. I knew it was wrong but that it was messing with his head so badly was terrible. Then it hit me. I was the reason he tried to kill himself. I messed with his mental health so bad he tried ending his life. I made him suicidal. I hugged him. I couldn't do anything else. I hugged him and joined him crying while rocking us both forth and back. I was so short before being the reason of one of my best friends death. I kept rocking us while repeatedly telling him how sorry I was like a prayer. He cried so hard his voice went hoarse. I messed him up because I couldn't deal with my feelings. Just because I couldn't accept the fact that I was most definitely not straight I messed him up. The one person I wanted to love me. I made him terrified of me. I begged him for another chance. He just shook his head and repeatedly told me no. "Kells! I... don't know if I want that... you hurt me really bad. And now that I know that you... just searched my proximity although you didn't want to accept the fact that you're queer... I loved you for so fookin long. But I might need a break from you. A long break. And you have to give me time. I will approach you again. But when is my decision. Just give me time. To get meself together. And maybe then we can start over. But give me time...", he said brokenly. He sounded so hurt. "I love you. And I will come back to you... some time...", he added. I nodded. "While I'm recovering I want you to work on yourself. When I'll see you again I wanna see progress, okay?", he added and slowly separated himself from me. "Okay", I said and hugged him a last time before I walked out of his room into the hallway and left his house. We performed our two songs 'I think I'm OKAY' and 'acting like that' one last time this year at the Wembley arena and then we didn't see each other for the rest of the year.