Nobody comes after me, which I appreciate, I didn't want any of them to. I just wanted to be alone. I don't really know where to go and so I go and find a tree near the edge of the farm and start climbing.
I sit up there for a while, I can see the house from where I'm at, so I see everyone leave and where they go. I try and forget about what Shane said, I was not a naive little girl. Even if I was, I was not the problem. The man who had planned to take me was, it was all his fault. I'd spent years convincing myself that it wasn't my fault but those words, it took me back to me being all alone down there, crying every single day and night as I blamed myself, hated myself for stopping.
I wipe my eyes and get down, I'd rather a distraction right now. I'd probably end up colouring with Carl and Sophia like they'd asked. At least they hadn't been in the room when all of that went down.
"There you are, we were looking for you." Carl says as I walk up to them, "you know I think we can race today." I tell them making the two excited, "are you sure? You hurt your head." Sophia says warily, "it's fine because it's just a scratch."
The three of us then begin setting up the 'hurdles'. We make our own with stuff we can find on the farm. We do this fairly quickly and I listen to the stories Carl and Sophia wanna tell me as we do. "Ok so I've not done this in a while so I probably won't be that good." I tell them after they ask me to go first, just to show them.
"She's making excuses for when she loses." Carl says to Sophia making me laugh, "not true, I'm still gonna beat you Carl." He shakes his head adamant that he can beat me.
"Alright come on let's stretch and then I'll go." I see Carol walking up to us a warm smile on her face as she hears Sophia laugh at a joke Carl tells. "Mom, mom watch us race." She calls excitedly once she spots Carol, who nods and sits on the grass. "Are you sure you're okay to do this?" She asks me, I nod and when she doesn't say anything else I get ready to go.
I take the round on my own lightly, I don't go all out because I just want to get a feel, to remind myself on how to do this. It's like muscle memory because once I finish I'm ready to go. "That was so slow! She's got no chance Sophia."
"I don't know, I think she could still beat you Carl." I laugh at the look on his face, "you too?"
"Alright kids come on line up." I instruct, because we'd made three lanes we didn't have too many hurdles each. Just five and to make it fair my hurdles were made a bit taller than we made Carl and Sophia's.
"Mom count us down." Carol complies and so I crouch down, ready and glad that I could get my anger and my hurt out like this opposed to crying some more.
I only give the kids a five second head start this time before I go, I try harder this time too, I'm not as mindful of letting the kids win because I'm thinking more about getting my feelings out of my system.
I'm done two hurdles before them, they're both side by side so I think it'll really come down to the last stretch to see who wins. Carl loses, he's not pleased about that, "let's go again." He says as I high five Sophia.
"I'm down to go again." I tell him before I turn to Sophia who nods. We line up again but more of the group have crowded around to watch us this time. Carol and Lori shout out encouragement to their kids whilst the others just settle down in the grass.
"Don't go easy on us," Carl says to me when I crouch down, "we want to beat you properly." He says as Sophia echoes a yeah. "Alright, I won't go easy on you."
Rick does the countdown this time and once he says go I set off, no head start for them this time. I'm done before they get to their third hurdle this time but I don't think it's me Carl is bothered about beating. Right now he wants to beat Sophia. It's a close call again this time but Carl beats her by seconds unlike him, Sophia takes the loss like a champ.
Carl wants to go again but Sophia doesn't so this time just the two of us line up, I could honestly do this all night. "You wanna head start this time kid?" He shakes his head, "that's not me going easy on you, it makes the race more fair." That makes him agree. "Fine but don't let me win."
"Ok come on now Carl." Rick says as he gets ready to countdown again. I let Carl get to his third hurdle before I go this time. I catch up in no time and soon we're neck and neck. "Come on Carl!" I can't help it, I know he told me not to but I slow myself down just a smidge so that he wins.
"I did it?" I nod and his smile is so big, "you didn't let me win?" I shake my head as he laughs, "I told you I could do it!" He decides then is his moment to tap out, quit whilst he was ahead.
"One day I'm gonna be able to beat you without needing a head start." He says as we both sit with the others, "I don't doubt that." I tell him, smiling once he rests his head on my arm.
"I wanna see you race my dad." He mumbles making me laugh, "hey bud I'm sure Selene is tired now." I shake my head, "if you're too scared that you're gonna lose, then you can just say that Rick." The entire group reacts at that, laughing and telling Rick that there's no shame in admitting defeat.
"You wanna race?" He asks making me nod, "then let's race." He laughs tugging his jacket off. "Get ready to eat my dust." I reply as we line up. "Man you ain't got a chance." T- dog says making me smirk over at Rick, "I don't know man, she just ran three races she might getting a little tired." I shake my head as I stretch, "I could do this all day."
