Always Forever?

1. twitchcon?

TW:SWEARING,INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS,PANICK ATTACK?
NOVEMBER 7TH 2020

i'm sitting at my desk, just staring  at the email i just got
" You're invited to twitchcon Los Angeles 2020"
i want to cry, not because i am sad but i am so fucking happy
I AM INVITED TO FUCKING TWITCH CON.
as fast as i can i close my email and click on twitch. i look in my mirror, i look very presentable
( the outfit you wear👇🏼 feel free to change it if you want)

i'm not wearing any makeup because i didn't expect to stream today so i grab my eyeliner and put a small wing and put some mascara on my eyelashes, a little bit of blush and done.
i adjust my camera and i start my stream with my 'starting soon' screen. i run to the kitchen and fill a bottle with water. i run back to my room i take a deep breath and drink a bit of water
i quickly name my stream with the title 'I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT:]'
i click away my soon starting screen and switch to my full camera
i look at my chat filling with stuff like
'YOU LOOK SO PRETTY' 'hellooo' 'how are you?' and a lot more

Y/N:
'hello chat how are y'all today?'

CHAT:
i'm good hbu?
bad
i'm fine
your hot
better now that your live
when are you gonna stream minecraft with the dteam

Y/N:
'glad that most of you are doing good and if your not i hope my stream is gonna change that!'
i pause a few seconds to breath and look at chat 'anyway chat, i have a very big announcement!' i talk louder then i did a few seconds ago
' are y'all ready?'

CHAT:
what?
TELL US NOW
come on tell us
IMAGINE IF SHE'S GONNA MEET UP WITH DREAM
new song???

Y/N:
'okay chat..I AM INVITED TO TWITCH CON IN LOS ANGELES!'

CHAT:
OMG
AHHHHH
YES I'M GONNA ASK MY OARENTS
NO WAIT REALLY?!
i didn't expect her to go to America?
YOUR MOT JOKING R U?
YES HES YES YES YES
OMG
A BRITISH GIRL GOING TO AMERICA?!

Y/N:
'YES CHAT I AM GOING TO TWITCHCON IN AMERICA!' i take a short pause while reading chat 'yes chat i am a british girl who is gonna go to America! i didn't expect it either since i'm not the biggest fan of America but hey, it's twitch con!'

i smile at the camera while reading chat. i am so fucking excited i'm gonna be meeting other content creators and streamers and most exciting im gonna meet my fans, the people who have been so supportive about everything. i can't wait to meet everyone!

oh my god i'm going to twitchcon in LA
don't go
why not?
something bad is gonna happen
no you just think that
no i don't think, i know
no you don't
yes..i do
please don't i just wanna enjoy my thoughts about twitchcon ,LA,the fans and everything
please don't go
but i want to
just fucking don't
stop fucking telling me what to do
your gonna die
what?
...
what do you mean?
...
hello?
...

i can feel the tears forming in the corner, my intrusive thoughts always come to me at the worst moments. i overthink all the time..it's so stupid. i try to blink away my tears and it doesn't work too good but it was good enough that my chat isn't able to notice it

Y/N:
'uhm chat im gonna end stream now, i forgot i had to do something. i love y'all bye chat'

i end my stream and close twitch. i immediately feel the tears threatening to fall out of my eyes and i just let them.  i cry. i close my eyes, and i just cry
i cry for 27 minutes.

i hate my life
of course you do
what's that supposed to mean?
your selfish
i know..
yeah that's the problem. you know but you don't do anything about it
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO
just don't be so selfish
what did you mean when you said i am gonna die
...
so your just gonna ignore me again?
i'm not giving an answer to that question
THE ONE FUCKING TIME THAT YOU CAN BE USEFUL YOUR GONNA DECIDE ON NOT HELPING ME
i don't want you to be worried.
...
i care about you,you know?
no you don't
yes yes i do
if you did you would tell me wouldn't you?
you don't understand
okay
okay?
okay.
don't you wanna know?
no.
why not?
because your not gonna tell me anyway
i'm sorry
i'm still gonna go to LA though
please don't
....

i start to ignore the voice. what do they mean with 'don't go or else you'll die' i mean that is a joke right? what could possibly happen? i'm gonna be happy for once so the voices should have to shut up. i wipe my tears away with the sleeves of my jumper.
i click back on my pc to read the mail. it says that the first day of twitch con is gonna be on november 14th. that's in a week, oh shit i gotta start packing. i grab the key from my desk for my basement and walk down the stairs. i open the basement door and turn on the light. i start searching for a suitcase until something on the ground catches my eye. i slowly walk towards it bc i can't see a single shit bc of my fucked up eyes. i kneel down and i grab it. MY GLASSES OMFG. i have been searching for these all week. i lost them but i didn't know where but here they are. i put them on my nose and i'm relived as fuck i can finally see something anyway i'm gonna continue searching for my suitcase now
~~~~~

wordcount: 1045 words

a/n: hello this is my new book i hope you enjoyed the first chapter i will try to keep updating this as much as possible so yeah:)

take good care of yourself
make sure to eat and drink something
i love you<33
im sending much love
-author