Always Forever?

12. pretty boy

TW: swearing, suicide questioning/worries,mentions of suicidal history, eating disorder, depression?
words: 683
November 10th 2020
pov clay

—back to when y/n stepped out of the car and clay is still seated there, alone-

is she for real

she doesn't want to kill herself right?

not again right?

but what if she actually tries

what if it will work this time

i cant lose her

no i fucking cant

i can't sit next to her hospital bed hoping that it isn't gonna be her death bed

not again

i wipe the tears off my face that i actually didn't even know were there

i look over at the door and see that they left it open for me, well i think it's for me

i wait a little so my red puffy eyes can come back to normal a bit

i check myself in the car mirror abt three minutes later, yes i look fine

i step out of the car and lock it

and i walk towards the door and step inside and close the door behind me again

exactly when i walk in i see her looking uncomfortable and she wants to walk away
did something happend

Y/N:
'hi clay' she mumbles as she races past me

i look back to see her walk towards the kitchen and she goes to sit on the counter

i'll make sure to talk to niki and minx about this, im worried

i walk into the living room and everyone turns to me and the rooms gets filled with: dream! hi! and come sit's until tommy says 'OI BIG D' and everybody randomly started laughing

oh lord, this child

i go sit by george,sapnap and some others first, and than ever 5 minutes i switch from place to new people and have a small conversation with them

-y/n's pov-

i'm just sitting on the countertop (counter) just staring right in front of me, i don't feel shit if i'm honest, now i'm in the kitchen i think of the fact i haven't eaten anything in the past 3 days well the Starbucks niki bought for me but further nothing, i mean there's no one who's gonna check so i don't care. i really shouldn't be here, i shouldn't be in this house, i shouldn't be in la, i shouldn't be in America, actually i shouldn't be in England or anywhere either. i just shouldn't be here at all, i mean i've been wanting flowers for a while. and i know that the most flowers i'm ever gonna get is at my funeral soo.. maybe that's a hint? i don't know

my thoughts get interrupted by a boy well a guy my age i guess? light brown fluffy hair, and bluey grey eyes, as i would call them. he's quite pretty. he said something to me.

snapping me out of my thoughts and trance

Y/N:
'oh shit sorry, uhm what did u say?'

??:
'oh don't worry i was asking if you want one too?' he says holding a monster in his hand, and we'll asking me if i want one too

Y/N:
'oh no thanks i'm fine'

??:
'mmkay, can i?' he asks pointing to the place next to me on the countertop

Y/N:
'oh yeah sure' i move over a bit so he can sit down

???:
'oh sorry, I'm Karl!' he says with a smile as he opens his monster at the same time

Y/N:
'im y/n!' i say faking a smile

he's quite a pretty boy though

no don't say that dumbass

KARL:
'sorry i'm being a bother with this or if you don't wanna answer that fine just say it but uhm... are you okay?' he says with a look in his eyes... is it worry? is he worried? he doesn't know me, he can't be worried

i just nod with a smile and give a quick hum

Y/N:
'yeah, sorry i just- im tired, didn't sleep much and well timezones you know' i try to crack a joke

he chuckles

KARL:
'yeah..