ECHOES OF YOU

Chapter Four

That night I sat in my room and let my mind wander. There was a lot and it was just draining. Every time I closed my mind the accident replayed in my mind. It was like I was reliving it over again. The images of their lifeless bodies were stuck in my mind. There was so much I wanted to tell Liam but I couldn’t.

I went to my drawer and took the sleeping pills. I stared at the wall in the hope I’d just drift to sleep unaware. But then I started hearing the voices. I tried as much as I could to shut them out but they just got louder. I could hear his cry, maybe it was a twin thing to hear your other twin’s agony. I could feel his pain. I felt it when he finally gave up fighting and just like that a part of me died also. The pain and heaviness in my heart were too much for me to handle.
I wanted to feel him beside me. I found myself walking to his room. I held his pillow and cried myself to sleep. The drugs didn’t seem to work so I had to take a few more.

The bright light of the sun woke me up. It was still too early so I decided to take my time preparing myself. I stayed in Liam’s bed for as long as I could. I looked at the pictures of us on his side table. We were really happy. So why did he have to be selfish and leave me alone? He was the only thing that kept me intact but now he was not here to hold my hand. He wasn’t here to brighten my day, to reassure me that I’d be all right. I felt empty without him.

I quickly got up and went to my room. I took a quick shower and when I opened my wardrobe, I was just shocked. I started laughing at how bad my clothes looked. If Liam were here, he’d freak out. I needed to snap out of his loss and live in a way he’d want me to. I had to start by changing my wardrobe back to its former glory. And I knew I needed help.

“Mom, I have a code red,” I shouted from the bedroom door. I never knew that she could be that fast. She was in my room before I could decide on what I needed. She had a dozen bags in her hand. I knew what they contained before she could even open them.

“Mom, what is all that?”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for the past six months, or maybe sixteen years,”

“Mom, you know that isn’t true,”

“Well, you usually did this with Liam, it was kind of your thing,” a jumped and hugged her. I could imagine how much she felt left out. This was supposed to be a girls’ thing.

“Can I get a comeback look then,”

“My daughter is finally getting back to her old self,”

“It’s what Liam would have wanted,”

“So, let’s start with your hair then,”

You know the best way to hide what is killing you inside is to act normal. That way you might even end up forgetting your problems and worries. I only needed to act like I was okay and I could just get rid of the nightmares and the hurt. If I could only act like nothing was wrong, then nothing would be wrong. I had great strategy thought through over and over, and I was going to get through it. I first needed to get over it theoretically before I could emotionally, mentally, and physically.

“How about we make curls or I can get braids later after school,” I said while looking at my long raven hair.

Liam and I both had dark hair till he decided to dye his hair strawberry red. He’d say it brought out the colors of his eyes. He’d convinced me to dye mine too but it just didn’t feel right with me. That was the first and only thing that we ever disagreed on. My mom used to say we had twin telepathy. It was always like we were sharing one mind but in just two identical bodies. He’d once let his hair grow past his shoulders that he’d just tie it in a ponytail. This made people think we were both girls and he was just queer because of the flat chest. We felt kind of superior playing with people’s minds like that. It was one of our core memories. We’d often remember it and just burst out laughing.

Thinking back to it now, I realized just how much we depended on each other. We’d been so inseparable ever since we were kids. His interests were mine too. We shared everything and we were together through every step of life. In all those sixteen years we’d never gotten into an argument, not even a minor one. We were always in sync with each other. And if anything would happen to one of us the other would feel it. That’s how connected we were. I could feel it when he liked someone and even when he felt disgusted with them too. His moods affected mine.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror as mom curled my hair. We shared the same face; each time I’d miss him I could always look in the mirror and I’d see him.

“You thinking about him again?” Mom said as she gently stroked my now curly hair.

“It just feels different without him. It’s like I don’t even know who I am. I just realized we’d be turning seventeen in a few months,”

“We can just have a mini party for family and friends only,”

“No, I’ll just skip it. I don’t want to do it without him,”

“You’ll have to do it at some point, Leila. It might not be this year but a few years to come maybe,”

“I’ll just never celebrate my birthday again. It was always the best day for both of us. It’s the day I got my brother and my best friend. If he isn’t here anymore it just isn’t worth celebrating,”

“Do you think I’d want you to be miserable on his birthday?”

“He’d do the same if it were me,” I’d already started crying without even realizing it. Mom gently laid a kiss on my forehead.

“Now dear let’s work on hiding those eye-bags,” she said as she wiped my tears.

“Thank you, mom,”

It took us almost an hour to get ready for school. From picking out the right outfit to getting my makeup done. I looked at myself in the mirror and I loved what I was seeing. I was wearing a black thigh-high, a short white off-the-shoulder dress, and a black fur coat. My mom had done a great job with the e smoky eye look. It wasn’t too gothic or too soft it was just moderate. I used matte black lipstick as a final touch to the look. Black was my favorite color or I can just say our favorite color. The queen was going to get her glory back.

Sheila was still going to drive me to school till I was ready to get behind the wheel again.

“Oh wow, don’t you look like you had a massive transformation overnight,” she said the moment she pulled over.

“Let’s just say I’m a working progress,”

“If that’s a working progress I can’t wait to see the final work,” we both started laughing sarcastically.

Today the drive to school was lively. We had so much to talk about. I was catching up on the latest gossip in school and I suddenly got why Miss Claire wouldn’t allow Sheila to be my tutor.

“I’m glad to have my best friend back,” she said as we pulled over at the school.

We’d just climbed off the car when I felt a pair of hands wrapped around me. I was still in shock before I could even figure out who it was. It was when she pulled out of the hug did, I realize who it was. It was Annaliese. Oh wow, the person I despised most in the world had put her hands on me. Now I just felt disgusted.

“I’m glad you are back. Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday to welcome you officially. I’m sorry about what happened. I miss them too but I can’t say I know how you feel. Oh, and I love the new look,” she finally stopped to catch her breath.

I’m pretty sure she was very disappointed to see me back. I knew she was kind of excited when she heard I’d almost lost my mind. And now she came here with her hypocritical face acting all angelic. Well, two could play this game.

“Oh Annaliese, I missed you all so much,” I said trying to put on my best poker face.

“Your love and care are what kept me going all this while. I’m glad I’m back too,”

I Could feel Sheila’s scowling behind me. She was just watching this dynamic drama unfolding before her. The hate we both had for this girl was way more than I could even describe. Sheila didn’t have the energy to hide it though. And it was always kind of fun to see them but heads once in a while.

“Why don’t we get to class first then you’ll get back to your little reunion,” Sheila said as she grabbed me.

“You are right Sheila, we’ll have a lot of time to catch up later on,” Annaliese added in.

“I thought I made it clear I don’t talk to reptiles,” Sheila put in bluntly before she dragged me to class. I could see Annaliese rolling her eyes as she stood there dumbfounded. Sheila always had a way to silence her.

“That was too harsh Sheila,” I said as soon as we got to class.

“Well, it’s go hard or go home, and I don’t go home,” she was smiling as she said this. And I knew she meant it.