ECHOES OF YOU

Chapter Ten

Mom and dad had decided to clear out Liam’s room. It was about time we did it. I agreed to it since I knew I had already gotten over his death. I’d miss him but I had to let go. Well, I thought so, until I came home and I saw them packing his stuff in boxes. The room was almost empty when I got there.

Just then I snapped. They were just getting rid of him as if he was never there, to begin with. They were throwing away the only things that were left of him. How could they do this to their son? Didn’t they have no shame at all? I wasn’t going to let anyone take him away from me again. I chased everyone out of the room and locked myself in there. I could hear them calling out my name but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to come out of that room. I knew if I did, I’d find it empty. A of Liam’s things would have gone.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.

“It’s all your fault, Liam. You were too selfish to leave me alone,” I started shouting.

“Why didn’t you just fight a little longer? You could have done it but you chose not to. How did you think I’d feel? How’d you think I’d survive without you? How’d you think I’d be able to live? You were my anchor and now without you, I’m just nothing. I’m a mess and it’s all your fault. I wish it was me instead of you. I wish I was the one who died that day. I wish….,” I hadn’t realized how much of a ruckus I was making as I was shouting crying tearing, and breaking anything, I ran into apart.

The room now looked like a mess and I on the other hand looked like a mad person. Or maybe I was.

I cooped myself in a corner held on to the picture frame with and just decided to cry it out. Turns out I hadn’t exactly moved on. Whatever I was doing was all a lie. I was lying to myself. Now all the pain I’d decided to ignore came rushing back. The voices came back and now they were just louder than before. I started seeing images of the crash again. It was all my fault. If I’d just listened and turned down the music, they’d have heard the truck approaching.

They died because of me. I killed them and I was going to have to live with it. I was never going to forgive myself for what had happened. I reached out to broken glass and decided to do what I’d tried before. I could still see the scar but I didn’t care about adding another one. I only wanted to get rid of all this pain and misery.

Then I heard his voice. For a split moment, I almost thought I’d heard Liam calling out to me. But at that second, I felt like a burden had been lifted, I felt relieved. Then I listened closely and I heard Liam’s voice. He was calling out to me. I tried as hard as I could to filter his voice out but he just kept calling.

And then I heard the door break. I was mad and shocked at the same time. Before I could process what was happening Nathan was already by my side hands wrapped around me. He’d told everyone else to just stay outside. He reached for the broken glass in my hand. I was reluctant to let go but I slowly did.

“Whatever they sent you to tell me, I’m not going to listen,” I said amidst sobs. But he just held me, my head on his chest, one hand around me and the other slowly stroking my hair.

“I didn’t come here to say anything, I wanted to make sure you’ve cried to your heart’s content.” He continued stroking my hair as I soaked his shirt with my tears. I felt safe in his arms, and for the first time since the accident, I genuinely cried. I let out all the pain that was in me. All the guilt and self-blame i had been carrying. I felt relieved. I was finally grieving.
They said that there are five stages of grief, Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It had taken more than half a year but it was finally working. I had managed to get through all of them. I felt so tired and I slowly drifted to sleep in Nathan’s arms. They’d become my haven. I didn’t need sleeping drugs and I wasn’t worried about the nightmares. I felt safe.

When woke up the next morning I was on Liam’s bed, but instead of Nathan, Sheila was beside me.

“Where’s Nathan,” was the first question I asked when I saw her.

“He left yesterday after you fell asleep,”

I reached out for my phone then I realized I didn’t even have his number.

“Really Leila, you wake up and you can’t even say good morning to your best friend, you are only asking about a boy. Well good morning to me missy,” she said before she climbed out of bed. “I have his number, you can take it from my phone, and don’t ask me questions just say thank you,”

“I don’t even want to know how or why. But thank you. And now will you help me clean this place up,”

“One favor per day young lady, but I can add more if you promise me pancakes for breakfast,”

“Deal,” she truly was my best friend actually more like a sister to me. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d lost her too. She’d managed to keep up with me even when I acted irrationally. I just hugged her without thinking.

“Thank you for being patient with me," gently laid a kiss on my head and went for the broom. We still had to clean up.
By the time we were done, my muscles were hurting everywhere.

“I’m skipping school today,” said crawling back to bed.

“You don’t care that you are six months behind in classes,”

“Well, I’m catching up and I’m almost there,”

“What about your tutoring lessons with Nathan,”

“I’ll just ask him to come over,”

“Scoot over then, I don’t have any classes I have to make up to. It won’t hurt to skip a few,”

“And that’s why I love you.”

“Leila someone is here for you, and why are you girls still in bed,” mom came in asking.

“We are too tired to go to school. Can’t we just have one day off mom,”

“You know what, since you cleaned up, I’ll let this one slide for today,”

“I love you too mom, and one more favor, we want pancakes for breakfast,” mom only smiled and left. I was about to funk into my blanket when Nathan called out my name.

“You can skip school but you are not skipping our lessons,” I so wanted to hug him but I refrained from doing so. He just stood in the doorway smiling.

“Nathan, can you please close the door, some of us are skipping school to get some sleep. Not to listen to the two of you flirting,”

“Good morning, Sheila,” these two seemed to have gotten pretty close. Nathan left the room and I decided to take a shower and get out of bed. Sheila had already fallen asleep when I came back from my shower. She wasn’t joking about going back to sleep.
When I got downstairs, Nathan was in the kitchen helping my mom make breakfast.

“You truly are multitalented, aren’t you?” I asked as I sat down.

“Well, it’s just a little bit of things I learned here and there,”

He served me pancakes and a warm glass of milk and oh this boy knew his way through the kitchen. We started chatting about his likes and dislikes and was I shocked when I heard something he’d said.

“After my parent’s divorce, they split my brother and me. And now he blames me for everything that happened,”

“I didn’t know you have a brother,”

“That’s because he doesn’t see me as his brother anymore,”

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing. I wish I could have a little bit of time with my brother,”

“The situation isn’t the same. You two were twins, you had a connection. Whatever we had with him died a long time ago,”

We continued talking for hours. I even gave him a tour of our house.

“You mean you no longer drive,” he asked as soon as I showed him my new car that was just sitting in the garage unused.

“I don’t think I’m ready to,”

“Why don’t we try it now and see if you are ready or not,”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,”

“Why not I’ll be right there next to you,”

“I just don’t I can do it,”

“How will you know unless you try,”

“What if I don’t want to know,”

“There are times when you just can’t afford not knowing,”

“You know whenever I try the memory flashes right in mind and just like that, I lose the strength to,”

“Try not to think too much about it then. Why don’t you try putting your focus on something else,”

“Plus, I feel awkward doing it without them. I’ve never done it alone,”

“Who said you’re alone, you got me,”

“I know, but it’s just not the same,”

“Okay I give up, we’ll do it when you’re ready,”

“Did you just say we,”

“Yeah. Did you think I was going to let you do it alone, hell no, I must be there to see it for myself,”

“I won’t say no to that,”

This boy got me smiling throughout the entire day. Honestly, I’d never been more free and happier than I was at that moment. If only that moment could last forever, but it couldn’t.

“Guess it’s time for me to leave then,” he said.

“I guess so,”

“It was fun hanging out with you today,”

“Yeah, it was,”

“We should do that again sometime, but not here maybe somewhere else,”

“Was our house that boring,” I asked sarcastically.

“NO that’s not what I meant, it’s just not suitable for a first date if you allow me that is,” I could see he was nervous and so was I. I wasn’t expecting that.

“Well then, I allow it,”

He placed a kiss on my cheek and said goodbye.