heart over brain

Part 12

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I wake up alone.

The light blinds too bright through the tiny window just below the roof, as if trying to make up for everything it didn't illuminate in the night.

The barn is stuffed to the roof with shelves and tools for farm work. Dark wooden walls close around the van so tightly it seems the car stood there first and then everything else was built around it.

My neck hurts, my back and legs and everything else too. Too much exercise last night. And a car backseat just isn't enough space for two people to sleep, van or not.

I stretch to get rid of the stiffness, shudder with cold creeping in and pull the blanket tighter around my shoulders, regret it right after and also cuddling in it during the night. It is gross and stained, and if I had seen that before I would have never touched it. But now its warm and comforting around me and I can't let it go.

Story of my life.

"Max?" I call out, carefully and quiet. This car and barn belong to someone I should probably better not be discovered by.

He doesn't answer.

"Max?" I say a bit louder.

Again, no answer. Silence hangs thickly in the cold morning air.

My heart picks up pace.

"Max?!" I try a third time.

He is really not there. I am really alone.

A landslide of panic breaks over me. I breathe out in a long sigh and just can't breathe in again, my lungs are rebelling against me.

He has left me after all.

He has left.

The harsh reality hits me like a fist in the stomach. It clenches in pain and emptiness.

Stupidly I pat for my phone – he has not taken it this time, of course not, it ran out of battery, it is of no more use to him.

Just like me. 

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