Hyung (Namkook)

Conflicted

Jungkook opened the door to his home, panting and struggling to breathe, and stopped on his feet as he saw Minah inside.
"Kookie.. did you run here? Why are you panting so hard..what happened?" Minah asked, worried.
"Mom..you are back!" Jungkook said, catching his breath.
"Yes, baby. We came after you guys left for school. Dad went to work straight away. Where's Taehyung? Here, drink some water," she said, pouring a glass of water for him.
Jungkook gulped down the water in one go, and it calmed him down a bit. "He is watching a basketball match. I came back as I had a headache."
"Headache..and you ran here with that?! Are you ok?" She was confused and worried at the same time
"Yeah, yeah..it's nothing..I just wanted to get home fast."
"What?! Baby, you are not making any sense right now! Look, your face.. looks all red, and you are sweating so much..oh, god!" She wiped his face with her palm and moved some hair that fell into his face, furrowing her eyebrows in worry.

"I'm okay, mom. I just need to take a nap. We played games all night, and I didn't sleep much."
Minah pursed her lips in anger, "I swear dad is going to take those games away from you boys soon..i have told you a million times not to skip sleep for those goddamn things..anyways." She took a deep breath, "you please go and rest..i'll make you something to eat when you wake up." She ruffled his hair lovingly.

"Sorry, mom..how was your trip?" Jungkook asked.
"Good and don't worry, honey.We will talk when you are better. Go take a nap and call me if you are not getting better."
He nodded and went up to his room quickly, and as soon as he closed the door to his room, he fell into his bed and finally let out the breath he was holding in. He grabbed his hair in frustration; he knew he felt differently about Namjoon, but him actually confessing it back or almost confessing was a bit too much for him, especially when his head was filled with the dirty words by Jackson and also seeing Minah there, caring for him just like her own son, made him feel guilty; he felt like he betrayed her and dad. His inner conflicts were driving him mad; he didn't have the nerve to discuss them with Taehyung, and he was worried that Tae might hate him for having a crush on Namjoon. He felt his eyes watering, and his chest tightened due to the stress. He didn't want to think about anything. He sincerely wished if he had his mom with him; he wished if nothing was the way it was now; he wished if he didn't have to feel guilty about having feelings for Namjoon. His eyes overflowed, and he went into a fetal position, and covered himself with his blankets to hide from the world outside, and closed his eyes, trying to remove every thought that disturbed him.

Jungkook opened his eyes when he felt someone move his blankets, and he saw a worried Tae looking at him.
"Heyy..are you ok..it's almost dinner time..Mom said you had a headache.Why didn't you tell me.?? I would have brought you home."
Jungkook got up and sat on his bed,looking down.
Tae lifted his chin with his hands and saw that his eyes were bloodshot and he had tear streaks all over his cheeks.
"Kookie, what happened? Did you cry? Did something happen?"
More tears started flowing from his eyes. "Oh god..do I need to tell Mom..are the bad thoughts coming back?" Tae asked in a concerned tone.
He shook his head. "Tae..i'm a bad person," he mumbled.
"What?" He looked at him confused.
He suddenly broke down into a sob and hugged his best friend. Taehyung didn't understand what was going on; he just rubbed his hand on Jungkook's back trying to console him.
"Kookie, please don't cry and tell me what this is about."
He struggled to speak, sobbing. Tae broke the hig and wiped Jungkook's tears with his hands.
"Hey stop.. whatever it is, please tell me.. I'm your best friend..there is nothing in the world you can't discuss with me"

Jungkook looked at Tae with his doe eyes. Tae nodded as a sign for him to speak. "Joon Hyung.." he mumbled, another sob escaping him.
"Hyung..what about him did he say something bad? Did he scold you!! I swear to god i ll kill .."
"No he didn't" Jungkook spoke cutting him off
"I did something bad." He said softly sniffling .
Tae's eyes went wide.
"Bad!! What ..?" Tae frowned
"I feel guilty ..," he said. "I should not feel like this..your family took me in and I'm a bad person..i was supposed to see him as my brother," he sobbed again.
Tae finally understood what this was about.
He hugged Kook until he could control his sobs.
"Kookie, is this about you guys having feelings for each other?"
He suddenly looked at him, surprised.
"you knew?"
"I'm not blind..and Hyung may call me an idiot, but I'm not,at least in this case.Hyung has been acting all lovey-dovey since the first day.You both had these heart eyes for each other, but at first I thought it was just two nerds getting friendly or whatever, but then I saw you guys flirting in the kitchen two days ago, so did Hyung confess or something?"
He shook his head. "I didn't allow him ..i ran away."
"Why?!!!!" Tae asked with a pout
"because its wrong " Jungkook said with big eyes
"It is  not" Tae said firmly
"Tae.."
"Kookie..Why is it wrong because you live at our house because our mom decided to get your custody?..that's a stupid reason." He said furrowing his brows
"It's not stupid."
"Kookie, he didn't like you because you live here; he fell for a guy who is my friend and an amazing person.I m pretty sure he would have loved you even if you are not my friend"

"No, I can't do that." Jungkook shook his head again in denial
Tae sighed "It's your decision, but it's not wrong in my eyes, and people who won't understand it may go to hell for all that matters."
"I cant Tae..i cant do this to your parents.They have done enough for me the last thing they probably want is me with your hyung"
"Do what to my parents.. kookie .?" Tae asked again"Kook how many times has mom told you that she is not replacing your parents or anything she did what she did because she didn't want you to go to a foster home.. I'm pretty sure she will understand this..and please don't assume their reactions..and it's hyung's decision who to love or date"

He shook his head again and sat there, wiping away the tears.
Tae sighed seeing this; he knew Jungkook more than anyone. He is stubborn and won't budge from his decision.

——-

"Weirdo, what did you  you do?"
Tae barged into Joon's room. Joon was already pacing through his room, restless.
"What?!" Joon asked stopping on his tracks
Tae carefully closed the door to the room "He is a crying mess. What-did you do? Don't you dare lie to me; I know you are in love with him or something."
"I know you know..i did nothing wrong..he ran away before I said something."
Tae angrily sat on Joon's bed and pointed fingers.
"Are you sure you are serious about him? Are you trying to move on from your crazy ex..is that what's happening?!"
"Tae.." Joon looked at him in disbelief
"I m sorry he is my bff i have to ask" he said shrugging
Joon sighed "And i m your brother..you know me better than anyone ..and If I'm trying to move on from my ex, I won't be doing it with a  guy in the first place..you know i never dated boys before ..like ,this won't be the time I decide to experiment, and  especially with Jungkook considering our situation."
Tae groaned in frustration

"Is he okay?" Namjoon asked after a while
"No, he feels guilty that he is violating mom and dad somehow".
Namjoon nodded "I can understand that since I went through the same dilemma" he said sitting beside his brother
"I'm sorry, Hyung, but he may not ever come around. I think he feels something too, but I don't think he wants to act upon that."
He nodded
"Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess,..I have to go away to college  before you guys.. so I'll be fine if I am away from him."
"Sorry hyungie..I can't say anything to him" Tae said putting an arm around his brother
"Its ok.. I don't ever want him to be sad...I actually did like him a lot..but He has gone through a lot, and I don't want to add more trouble. Can you talk to him and tell him that I won't ever mention anything about that again? I just want to see him happy.I would have done that, but I don't think he wants to talk to me."
Taehyung nodded "I'll try"
"Thanks Taetae" Namjoon said hugging his brother with glassy eyes.