A Girl I Use To Know

Chapter 8

For the next thirty minutes I'd prepared myself for what I'd see at Stanford. I'd already went through the grieving process, and I was coming out of denial and dealing with acceptance as we walked through Stanford Hospital. We found ourselves in the Intensive Care Unit.

"Wait here," Mr. Lopez said, and I watched him walk to a nurse and began talking.

They both looked at me and then she nodded and walked off. Mr. Lopez waved us over.

"Vicky, let me talk to Shianne. Go wait out in the lobby."

Vicky looked at me, and I knew she was asking, 'Is it okay?' I nodded. She didn't move, just stared at me, and I took it as, 'Are you sure girl?' I nodded again, and she was off.

I took a deep breath and looked up at Mr. Lopez. "Scheyenne, I don't know how to say this; I mean this is horrible. I, I don't-" Mr. Lopez was crying, and I felt awkward watching this grown man I'd known all my life; who was something like a father to me crying.

I decided I'd help. "Mr. Lopez, it's okay, I know... it's my brother, isn't it?"

He looked at me with red eyes.

He nodded. "How'd you know?"

I shrugged slightly, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd missed it.

"Did you see the news?"

I shook my head. The news?

I was trying to keep my cool but losing it fast. I'd thought that if Free was in the hospital and I was going to see him then he was still alive. And hurt and alive beats stone-cold dead to me any day.

I looked up at Mr. Lopez and asked, "Is he going to be okay?"

Mr. Lopez looked down at me, and I knew he knew the answer to my question but wouldn't tell me. It wasn't long before he proved me right; instead of answering he said, "I'm not a doctor Scheyenne, but anything is possible as long as you have faith and pray."

I didn't wanna hear no G-dub saying, because what he said must have come right out of her mouth. And stuff like that usually meant things ain't looking too good.

I studied the floor not knowing what else to say. I wanted to ask more questions, the first being what happened? Was it drug related? Did my mom know? Where was Momma and G-dub? But the nurse was back at Mr. Lopez's side. "Dr. Galleria is waiting. You can go in now."

Mr. Lopez put his arm around my shoulders and moved me down the brightly-lit sterile nurse's station. On one side was the actual nurse's station and on the other glass walls with curtains drawn. We stopped in front of the last glass wall. The room was dark and with a ghostly glow; we were met by the beeping and whooshing sound of machines. I'd never really been inside a hospital. I've only been in the VA about a dozen times when Momma was working. On those occasions G-dub needed the car to go grocery shopping or to take us to a doctor's appointment. Then we'd have to pick Momma up after work.

I braced myself for what I'd see. I held my breath as I walked into the room with my eyes closed.

I opened one eye, and it slowly adjusted to the lighting. In the center of the room was a white tube.

Confused I opened my other eye and slowly made my way over to the clear tube. I was standing on the side looking down trying to comprehend what I was seeing.

This can't be Free I thought looking down at the small, crumpled, bright, shiny body. I looked up at the Asian woman in the white lab coat on the other side of the room observing me silently. I looked back at the thing with darkened spots and missing skin.

"He's got third degree burns all over... we... we have him heavily sedated, for the pain. It's a wonder he made it... he's strong... a fighter."

I thought there had to be a mistake; that was not Free... not my brother. Then a sudden realization struck me with the force of a Mac truck. I had more than one brother.

"Poppa," I gasped.

The tears would not come, but my brain reacted as if they did.

"No! Where's my momma? What happened?" I was screaming, backing into the wall.

Mr. Lopez tried grabbing me, but I started hitting him. I didn't want him to touch me; I didn't want anyone to touch me.

I was screaming for my mom. Mr. Lopez's strong arms clamped around me, holding me tight. In some far distant voice, I could hear him telling me it was okay. I was kicking now, I don't know why or how, but I guess my brain put it together before I realized what was really going on. I was going crazy; I mean if my momma wasn't there and G-dub wasn't there then that meant... But they couldn't be...

The mind works in mysterious ways. I was biting and kicking and screaming. My eyes were stinging with tears. I couldn't see but I heard other people running around, screaming and yelling; then I felt more people grabbing, holding me down. All the while I could hear Mr. Lopez's soothing voice telling me it was okay and to let it all out. I felt a sharp pinch in my left arm. They had my hands and feet pinned down.

Slowly I felt my throat get dry and raw as my arms and legs started getting heavy. I was feeling tired, and my heart was noticeably slowing down from the rapid beating it was doing. It felt like the wind was going out of me and my chest started to burn. It felt like I was flying as the already dark room went completely black.