Stubborn and the Mutt

twenty four | dates

"In what sense?"

"Ahm, hello? What can I consider us as since... I mean, I'm not your girlfriend. You haven't asked me out and it's weird now if you just ask me out now, but I mean what are we labelling ourselves as?"

"I label you as mate. What more would I label you as?"

I try by all means to pull away and possibly glare at him, but he doesn't let go. He doesn't let up easily.

"Be serious, Micah. You think I want to roam around school with a guy who isn't my boyfriend but pretends he is?" I shake my head. "And even still, not for them but for me. I want to know where I stand. What we are. What it means for me to be your mate. Is it like a girlfriend? I mean, if we doing things your way, shouldn't we compromise and also do things my way? Go on dates. Get to know each other more, stuff like that. Those matter to me."

Micah literally sighs into my neck. I also think he isn't paying attention with the way he is too quiet, yet just by the way he squeezes my sides, I know he heard me loud and clear.

"Does that matter?"

I'm partially stunned, to say the least, and my hands loosen a bit. "I'd like to think I'm more than your charger. I'd like to think you have interest in me beyond what your Luna has instilled in you. Yes, it matters. To me, it does."

"Didn't I ask you if you wanted to come to my house?"

"That doesn't count, Micah. Your intentions were clearly far from what I am speaking about now. How do you plan to keep me as your mate when you know nothing of me. My favourite colour? Food? What I like to do when I want to feel alive or something. Heck, an embarrassing childhood story of mine. It matters. Maybe not to you, but to me... I'm more than just a physical being you hold onto, to satisfy a desire of yours. I'm a human who also desires being known... feeling wanted beyond just the physical aspect."

Micah pulls away slightly, enough to look down at me with a small frown plastered on his features. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like I'm using you physically for my own sake."

"Hard to believe." I chuckle bitterly. "I don't recall you asking me how my day was or something. You just approached me to get your daily dose, and you've been doing that for the past few days now. Kind of hard to believe I mean more than that."

This time, he releases me a bit and takes a small step back, as though giving me space to breathe, but that doesn't mean he releases me completely. His hands remain on my hips, a bit tight but comfortable, I'd say.

His blue eyes carry a bit of lament, I pick up, and he releases air through his nose. "I'm sorry, Gertrude. I'll do better. Just don't think that I'm using you. You mean a lot more to me than the physical, and I know I didn't show that, but I mean it. Getting physical with you means a lot, but this is me also spending time with you and it means a lot just being able to be in your presence again, even if we don't speak about anything in particular or argue about everything. You mean more than the physical."

"You asked if it mattered." I point out.

"I meant the dates. I was asking if it matters going on dates. To me, spending time with you like this matters. I feel like it makes more sense and has a greater impact than us having a whole table between us, doing it how humans do it. We don't have to go on dates to know each other."

I sigh softly, shrugging a bit when I realise I have no words to share with him. I hear him, and maybe he hears me too, but we aren't on the same page. Matter of fact, perhaps we are on the same page but we aren't on the same paragraph.

"Unless..." He tilts his head a bit with his blue eyes basically refusing to look anywhere but at me. "You really do want to go on dates—"

"I don't want to compare you to Banele, because that would be unfair and I mean, you did ask that I stop thinking about him. But... we hardly went on dates. Him and I. I was okay with it until I wasn't. Like... the little things mattered to me. They matter. He didn't find it necessary and, the result is I ended up sleeping with a guy I can say I didn't exactly, fully know. I didn't know him as much as I wanted to. Maybe then I would have realised his an idiot and I'm naive or something. Yeah, I do want to go on dates, Micah."