-TO FORGET A LOVE-

Our voices may never define us

The two stared at each other, almost terrified to break the eye contact. What would happen if another soul walked in? If someone strolled in to destroy the barrier?

Lovers they called them. Each a half to make a whole. Holding hands and pecking cheeks. What if I told you they did not consider themselves in "Love"? What if time had taken away the only reason they talked?

Egon was someone who never knew how to speak their mind. They could never seem to tell another person what they needed at that moment. They thought of themselves as "drifting"

Ciaran was the opposite. Someone who could speak their mind at any given time. Someone who loved to make friends and easily worked with people.

And what if I told you, these two were once in love? They were each other's "better half", people said. And while Ciaran was a person who spoke easily, it was hard for them to keep friends because they were often brutally honest.

And Egon was the opposite. They could never talk to anyone, much less make a friend.

But our story today is not about what one could do for another, it's what they wouldnt do for themselves.

Ciaran and Egon met at something Ciaran's friend had brought them to. Egon had gone because it was their interest. They met over a game of cards. Ciaran was not at all interested, they would have much preferred to do something else.

But regardless of this, they saw each other more and more often. Friends who knew each other almost shoved them into each other.

They must have liked each other.

And this wasn't entirely wrong.

They did feel things for one another.

But nothing one of them could ever explain to the other.

And because of this, because they could never express what they truly felt. They grew apart much before they grew together.

You may be asking,

"Why did they ever start a relationship in the first place?"

Oh dear reader, you do not understand how hopeless they felt. And when they were together, that hopelessness grew a little smaller. The world felt just a bit smaller when they idled in each other's arms.

Now, they never hated each other. Not even a dislike.

Some say they were naive, and others say they were dumb.

But never once did they feel dumb with the other.

But oh...This isn't a happy story. They didn't suddenly figure out what was wrong with the relationship. Egon did not finally understand why Ciaran came home upset almost everyday. Or why they got upset over such little things.

And in the same, Ciaran could never express how they disliked how Egon would simply 'stop'. Nor did they understand why Egon didn't want to live on the earth.

And instead of talking. They simply sat. Sat in all the confusion. They never once spoke about this.

And, inevitably, they grew apart. Like branches of a tree, they pulled away from other leaves, as if they were as poisonous as the very ground that their roots grew into.

Dear reader, the problem was never, "Why can't they do this for me?" but rather,

"Why can I not help myself?"

Their relationship could have easily blossomed. "If they had gotten over themselves" Some may say.

But no relationship is ever easy. Not one.

So now the two stood. Face to face. Finally confronting the issue.

It was far too late.

With tears in their eyes. They turned away. Both craved the other. Yet both wanted better.
It is not my place to say they could've done better. Everyone can do better.

And it is not my place to say if they loved each other.

Love is relative to whatever someone wishes it to be.

Now, I will tell you how to prevent this. In the way I wish to prevent it myself as well.

These things are hard to fix.

The distrust and miscommunication.

Why not just fix it from the beginning?

Here's the hint.

....

Don't try.

Don't try to be something you are not.

Dear. Don't pretend.

And I could tell you things that you shouldn't do for hours. Maybe even days.

The biggest thing is... relationships are always going to be different. No matter how similar or different you may act.

We can all hope in vain, for things to get better.

But I believe the true secret is oneself.

In order to properly be anything with another, you must first find yourself.

It doesn't have to be completely, or even right at first.

But oh Dear reader, the biggest reason Egon and Ciaran never worked out, is because they relied too much on the other.

When Egon saw Ciaran come home in tears, they waited for that familiar sunshine in their eyes to come back so they could comfort them about their own day.

Egon was quite scared about the future between the two, and knew— They felt it in their very soul, that even while they tried, and they tried, Ciaran would never love Egon, the way they wanted to be loved.

The way they needed to be loved.

And no, I'm not saying Ciaran was the problem. That's rarely ever how these things play out.
There is never just one fault.

Never just one who could've changed the tide.

When Egon felt the way they did, when they felt they no longer deserved to breathe air, they came to Ciaran with tears in their eyes and pleas in their voice. Ciaran never knew what to  do, and frankly they weren't sure they wanted to help Egon the way Egon thought they needed help.

Relationships are hard, and it is not at all my place to tell you whether or not they are right for you, or your partner.

But oh, Dear reader, please listen when I say.

Do not pray for another to fall,

Right into your arms.

Only for you to expect,

Them to constantly catch you in return.

A/N: writing has been hard as hell. But here ya go ig