-TO FORGET A LOVE-

You've become something I can't fathom

(11/21/22) - l o g -

I can't breathe. The thought of you nauseates me. What happened? What did we become?

We were perfect. What happened?

I guess I need to learn that about this world. Any world for that fact.

Nothings perfect.

Nothing lasts.

And everyone leaves.

Even you, my love.

My love?

I don't deserve to call you that.

You don't deserve it.

Ya' know, for way too long I clung to you. To us. And yet, I know how bad you are. For me, for you. But I'm stuck. It's like you're clinging to my thoughts, my very brain.

I hate to think about you.

So why are you still here?

Trying to measle your way back into my life.

Was it my body?

My money?

Me...?

I hate to even think about it.

That you stay up every night just to think about me.

I can't decide if you're my biggest mistake, or my biggest truth.

Truth?

Why would I ever think that?

For a while there, we were something I loved.

I feel like I did this.

But was it you?

Was it the manipulation?

That's what people tell me.

What have you become?

It's hard to think of you as anything other than what you were.

Who I loved.

And it's sad to say I still love you now.

I've cried, and I've frozen.

I've ignored, and I've thought all too much about it.

About you.

What happened.

What you did.

Their hands.

You're covered in hands that arent my own.

Do you like those hands?

Did you ask-plead- for those hands?

I want to talk.

But I'm scared to.

Scared that I'll get lost in you again.

I lost myself in losing you.

In gaining you.

In you.

And I'm almost sorry I did.

Almost.

I miss you.

I miss those nights.

Not even the ones we were doing anything.

The ones we just sat and talked.

About anything and everything.

I want to go back to that.

To when we could talk like that.

Without crying.

Without sex.

Just sitting there and laughing.

At each other.

At anime.

At the thought that anything would happen.

To us.

Remember when we'd talk about our wedding?

Do you remember that love?

It didn't feel like a lie.

Did you do this on purpose?

Was it an accident?

I'm sorry I want to talk about it.

I'm supposed to want to never see you again.

I want to hear you.

To see you.

And god forbid I think about holding you.

It didn't last.

I'm told there's better.

For me,

For you.

So why do I still want you?

Authors note: heh- angst