-TO FORGET A LOVE-

"We're all hopelessly inept people...

...struggling in vain to coherently express ourselves."

I think we as humans spend an awful lot of time thinking and praying about what "Love" really is. It's a burning question, one of the only things I can write about. It's so raw and heart shattering, maybe that's why I crave it. As my lungs crave the air, my heart craves "love".

Senses of Love
I love love.
But not "Love".

I love to see.
Which may seem like a simple thing.
But I do.
I love the colors,
I love the sky,
The moon and the stars,
The rain, dripping off of gutters and landing into sidewalk grooves.

I love to feel.
To feel the gentle brushing of fingertips against my own.
To feel that cold floor after a hot day.
I love to feel the carpet after I get out of the bath.
I love to feel the harsh wind against my cheeks,
Brushing away my tears.

I love to hear.
Hear the laughter of mine mixed with anothers,
To hear the music thrumming through my ears,
I love hearing the gentle chides after I'm done crying.
I love to hear the silence after a day of noise.

I love to taste.
I love tasting cake after I couldn't eat anything for the entire day,
Or tasting the cold snow pressing against my tongue.
I love tasting lips as they press against mine.
I love to taste that food my mom always makes that brightens my day.

I love to smell.
I love to smell the world after the rain has cleansed the ground.
I love to smell the cookies that busied moms entire day.
Smelling the low scent of cologne clinging to a body.
I love to smell the sun, on a particularly hot afternoon.
Or the grass right after someone has mowed.

Did I say it right?
I love to love.
No matter how scary.

Even when seeing the world is impossible through the tears blurring my vision.
Even when everything I touch feels like pricks through my thin skin.
Even when I can't seem to taste anything.
Even when sounds make me want to tear my ears off of my skull,
Even when smelling anything makes me want to vomit.

The world is full of any sense that I could ever want.
And even when I can only focus on how much I hate to see,
Or taste,
Or hear,
Or smell,
Or feel.
I am still irrevocably in love with the world.
Unfathomable Phrases

There are so many types of love.
I want to focus on the ones that make me happy.
Truly, and unconditionally happy.

I'm tired of the disappointment that follows,
That romantic "Love"
"Unconditional" they call it.
"Forever and always" they say.

I prefer the more simple love.
Platonic I'd say.
That love between siblings and friends.
Parents and companions.

You know what I love?
I love the simplicity of this love.

I love to sit and talk to my sister for hours,
No matter how far away she is.

I love to read romance.
I love to cry over fictional people and relationships.
I love to write about things I don't know if I'll ever be able to experience.

I love to make things.
I love to cook food,
Especially if it's just for me.
I love to draw,
Those scribbles on a page bring so much more meaning to life.

I love to talk.
About everything and anything,
No matter the person.

I love to sing,
Until my voice in coarse and
Everyone in the room seems to have a grudge against me.

I love to dress up,
To cover my skin in things that make me glow,
Bedazzle my wrists and neck in things that sparkle.
To fluff up my eyelashes.

I love to smile.
At people.
At myself,
At random videos on the internet.
.
Though, sometimes it can make my face hurt.

I love to cry.
I love to feel emotions I couldn't feel otherwise.
.
There are so many combinations of words I could say to get my point across.
And somehow not one word,
Nor phrase,
Could accurately tell my opinion on love.

Who are we to say "Love"?
In Greek mythology,
There are eight types of love.
Each with a different meaning,
And I think humans ruined the word "Love"
Because how can one word possibly mean so many things?

Philia.
A love between friends.
A beautiful platonic love,
That type of love that you tell your best friend in words like
"If we're both not married by 30 consider me your partner"

Eros.
Strong and sexual love for the body.
Like seeing someone while scrolling and thinking
"Wow, they could rail me."

Ludus.
Playful and flirtatious love.
May that be you and your friend exchanging pick up lines to make the other blush,
Or bumping shoulders with someone you've known for years.

Agape.
This is the one we think about most.
Full, and unconditional love.
Loving someone Romantically for everything about them.
Love through thunderstorms and daisies.

Storge.
Familial love.
Love between siblings,
Or a mother and a child.
Wishing for your brother to be home, so you can talk again.
Missing someone who seems so far away.

Pragma.
Committed and long lasting love.
Love between grandparents who've been married for 50 years.
But not in the need to way.
But in the way that they still make the others morning coffee,
Or give them a kiss before bed.
And even making sure they remember to take their meds.

Mania.
The bad type of love.
Obsessive.
The love towards someone who seems so much better than you.
And if only you had them you could be whole.

And lastly,
Philautia.
This one I'm told  is the most important.
Self-love.
The love to take pictures of yourself,
Or loving to receive compliments because you tried harder on your hair today than you normally do.
Loving you,
Well- Because you're you.

The word love is overused.
And I don't think I ever want to be told that ever again.