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Chapter one:

Song for this chapter: Salvatore by Lana Del Rey.

Tw: Eating disorder behavior

I wake up to my mother shaking me, " Get up darling" She pushes back my canopy

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I wake up to my mother shaking me, " Get up darling" She pushes back my canopy. I lift my eye sleeping mask and rub my eyes. Once she knows I'm up she continues " Now today is the first day of school, wear something nice I can't have my daughter horribly dressed" She laughs then goes back downstairs.

I know she doesn't really care about me, I, A fashion designer/ ex- model daughter cannot be caught dead with horrible outfit. Because it would damage my mother's image.

I brush off her words as I go into my bathroom to take a quick shower, since last night I washed my hair. After I washed my hair I did heatless robe curls. I love the way they look and the bonus is I don't have to put heat on my hair. I take out the robe in my hair then place a shower cap over my head. I can't be ruining my hair now.

When I step in the shower I wash my body with my strawberrie body wash. Once I'm done I step out of the shower, wrapping a warm towel around me then stepping into my walk- in closet. I guess perks on having a fashion designer mom is all your clothes being season.

I pick out a cute green top, the straps having to be tied and light washed mom jeans. When I'm done I go over to my vanity. I open one of the drawers and pull out vanilla scented lotion and I apply it to my body.I do my skincare then I start on my makeup,I apply concealer under my eyes and blend it in. I decide to skip mascara and just wear a small wing of eyeliner. For my final touch I add cream blush on my cheeks.

I move onto my hair just spraying hairspray so my hair style can last longer. I walk back into my closet so I can pick out my shoes for the day. I end up chossing nike blazers. Every outfit is uncomplete without jewelry, with that being said I go over to my dresser and pick out gold hoops, a gold necklace with a 'E" pendant and gold rings. Right before I exit my room I make sure to brush my teeth and spray vanilla perfume on me.

Walking out of my room I catch my reflection in my mirror near the door. I look to closely into reflection, I can see my wide shoulders, wide ribcage, big thighs. I can't help pick myself apart every time I pass a mirror. Not one day goes by without thinking I can look better. But at what cost? Not eating?

Growing up in the spotlight because of my mother was horrible. Tabloids would comment on my body when I hit puberty. Because I gained weight, because my body was becoming into a young lady. They would compare my body from I was 7 to my body when I was 13. But they need to realize of course I'll gain weight, I'm not 7 anymore. I'm not flat chested, or have bones for arms.

Although people now are trying to change the beauty standard it's has always been skinny. Especially since everywhere you turn you see these skinny models on magazines. Once my mother saw I was gaining weight she suggested that I start working out. She never did or said anything to defend me in the tabloids she would just say " I mean look at you, no wonder they said that" Laughing while taking a sip of her Martini.

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