Little Bitch

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Lexi's birthday was this weekend, and I had everything mostly planned.

            I'd given up on trying to do anything with her mother. I wasn't sure this was something Lexi actually wanted, or if this was something she was even ready to deal with.

            Sometimes it wasn't about fixing all the problems, but just being there with the person.

            Case in point, I knew Lexi couldn't fix my Kendall problem. But having her, and having my other friends around too helped greatly, more than they probably realized.

            Still, I wasn't over it yet, far from it. So I made an appointment with Doctor Boseman again before the weekend, so I could spent the whole weekend with Lexi without interruptions.

            That was how I ended up, once again, sitting in my usual chair, Doctor Boseman in front of me.

"So?" he just said, as I stayed quiet.

"So," I repeated.

"How has it been? Since our last session. I know I kind of dropped a bomb on you. I probably could have gone at it differently. I thought about it a lot this week."

I breathed out softly, "I'm glad I wasn't the only one that thought about it."

"Is there anything you need to get off your chest, right off the bat?" he asked.

There were so many things I felt like I needed to get off my chest, I just didn't know where to start.

I looked at my hands pressed together. "I mean, you were right. I wasn't... I wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't told me. I think I was so auto destructive that I sort of blocked out the fact that it was wrong and... well... it made me feel quite awful. And I just ended up learning what Josh had been keeping from me, and it was... well it was a lot this week," I rambled on a little senselessly.

"Do you want to talk about that?"

I hadn't told anyone around me. It wasn't my secret to share. But I felt like I needed to tell him this. I needed to tell someone, just so that it would make it actually real.

"Josh was in love with my brother, and well, I'm think my brother was too."

Doctor Boseman blinked slowly, probably surprised. "Wow, that's a lot of things to process in a short amount of time."

I kept staring at my hands, kind of twisting my fingers together. "Yeah. And it kind of made me question everything. If Jayden loved Josh, then why was Kendall in our lives? Did Kendall just use me to punish Jayden, because he didn't actually love her? I think Josh has been trying to make me see it for years without actually telling me his feelings, but I was just too blind to see."

"You shouldn't blame yourself for not being able to figure this out sooner though. In life, if people don't tell you things, it's not your fault if you don't figure it out. The same way that you know people around you can't know what you're feeling if you don't tell them. Humans aren't mind readers."

He'd said something similar before, but it was in relation to other people not being able to guess how I was feeling if I didn't tell them.

It was weird that things had kind of switched now.

"Yeah... I guess I got that part. Still, some things should be obvious. I had a talk with my parents too. Well, more like a breakdown. I got really mad at them. I feel a little bad about it. Ultimately, it's not their fault," I admitted.

I'd kept on ignoring my parents all week. I wasn't ready to have any kind of serious talk with them.

I wasn't glaring or yelling at them. I just kind of felt empty when thinking about them.