Little Bitch

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do now.

It felt like I couldn't just leave Josh like this.

For the first time, I was finally realizing how truly alone Josh was, and what he had actually lost when Jayden had died.

I felt like such a bad friend, having him always taking care of me, when I should have been there for him too.

He'd given me the opportunity to share my grief with him. But he'd never truly share his grief with me. I'd seen him mourn a brother, but never someone he'd been in love with.

How could he have moved on and been okay when he wasn't processing what he had actually lost?

I thought Josh was the one person that could literally tell me anything on his mind.

I'd missed such a big part of him by not knowing about his feelings for Jayden.

It was time to rectify that.

We were both sitting on the carpet in the living room in front of his couch, while I kept rummaging through Jay's drawings.

"What was it? What made you love him?" I asked Josh softly.

"God, it's been so long..." Josh replied, and kind of leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. "It was everything."

"So, soft skin?" I said teasingly, trying to get him to open up more.

"He did have a very soft back." I chuckled at his comment and let him continue. "When my mother died, I lost my anchors. My father abandoned me and my mother was gone. But Jayden was there. He was always there for me. Jayden made me feel safe. He was home. He made me want to wake up every morning. He just made everything better."

I sighed, staring the at drawing in my hands. A black cat that looked like Miss Puss. "This feels wild to me. Like, to me you two were always like brothers. You even looked the same."

Josh chuckled softly, shaking his head. "We didn't look alike."

"You did."

"Not really no. We had similar facial expressions, the way people that are always together do. But all our traits were different. We had he same sense of humour and spoke similarly because I was obsessed with him."

"Obsessed?" I chuckled.

Josh nodded. "I loved him more than he loved me."

So, all along, when I had been complaining about loving Lexi and her not loving me back, Josh had known exactly how I was feeling? And in a much more heartbreaking way?

I really felt like a bad friend again.

Had no one actually known? I thought back to other conversations. "Did Adaline know? When she was playing wedding planner?" I asked, thinking back to my conversation with my cousin.

Josh shrugged. "I never told her outright."

"But she suspected?"

Josh narrowed his eyes, thinking about it. "I don't think so."

I sighed. "I just don't understand how you could have kept this from me for so long. You have zero filter. You say everything on your mind. You never keep anything to yourself. Just the things that matter apparently."