their lost girl

wounds

-----CW  FOR THIS CHAPTER------ 

REPEATED REFERENCE TO SELF HARM

Was I scared of the idea of getting in trouble? Sure: but what truly made me shiver was the idea of being a disappointment to the man who had only shown me gentleness, the man whom I did not know 3 weeks ago, the man who unknowingly hurt me the most.My own father.

I took a deep shaky breath as my eyes searched my fathers face, his blue eyes furrowed but behind that mask i could see the deep worry that plagued his soul.I wish all i could see was anger, i wish he would yell and scream at me at least then i could hate him.But seeing the worry that lingered across his face, i felt the anger melt.

I hated him for not getting me earlier,I hated him for knowing about me all these weeks and not attempting to get me but as I noticed the sorrow in his expression,etched by the dark bags that hung under his eyes, I wondered if there was an explanation. I wondered even more so if I wanted to know that explanation.

I hated him for he was my father but for all the same reasons I loved him.

"Violet?" My fathers voice asked, breaking the silence that hung in the air.The anger fading from his voice.I squeezed my eyes tightly shut trying to ground myself as I felt the floor begin to sway.

I leaned my back against the front door trying to not topple over.My father rushes to my side gently holding my arm i instantly flinch pulling myself away from his grip.I look up to see the pain spread across his face while he blinked hard, allowing that emotionless gaze he so often holds to come back again.

"Are you okay?" He softly asks as I manage to stabilise myself.

"Yeah fine- im fine" i mutter adjusting my backpack on my shoulders.

"Where have you been?" He asks "and i know it wasnt at Becs house, Derek has been waiting to pick you up from outside her home since 5;30"

I squint my eyes slightly as I begin playing with the rings on my finger.

"I was at my friend Tommy house" I mutter as I face the ground, bracing myself for the brutality of the inevitable punishment I'll face, but it did not occur. My father sighs loudly.

"Why did you lie?"

I let go of a breath i didnt realise I was holding as I felt my body relax slightly.Why did I lie? The question floated around in my mind as I paused for a moment.

"I assumed you wouldn't allow me," I admit.

"Violet i care about you-" he begins

"Do you?" I ask, interrupting him, my voice sounding bitter as if I was spitting out poison.

My fathers eyes narrowed as he searched my face,his expression softened once again as he realised the bitter expression across my face would not leave.

"I care about you more than you can imagine Bambina, please just let me in; let me be there" My father pleaded.He towered over me and his presence screamed power but now in this moment i held the power.

"I'm fine.I looked after myself all these years, i can do a couple more" I scoff as I begin walking to the stairs.

"Violet..." my fathers voice trails off as he lightly grabs my arm causing me to grimace in pain. "Please we don't have to talk about it, just let Victor bandage it please"

I narrowed my eyes feeling my heart begin to thud in my chest, I unconsciously ran my finger along the bandage I can feel under my sleeve.

I stood in silence as my eyes widened as the reality sit in.They knew about scars i had but i guess it seemed like they were all from abuse.But in reality most of the scars across my body were from abuse but the scars on my wrists and ankles, those were ones i had inflicted.