FINDING June

11. {Stacking lies}

Good news was Jesse and Lisa weren't going to make me go back to my house. I could finally eat all I wanted without them asking questions. I could just live and get by life without any questions.

Hell, that felt like paradise.

Bad news was Jesse started to pay more attention to me, even though he didn't ask me questions, I couldn't help but notice the way he paused from eating when he noticed that I was putting more food on my plate. I couldn't help but not notice the way he looked at me randomly like I was a secret he was waiting to find out.

Funny thing was I had secrets and obsessions, ones that he could never find out.

As I finished eating that afternoon, I washed my plate and went back to the dining to meet Lisa.

"Can we go to the mall?" I asked her.

She smiled at me and turned to Jesse who was working on his laptop.

"Jesse is going out to pick some friends soon, he could give you a ride, I would have gone with you but I have to stay with Avery," She explained. I turned to him and I could notice the slight twitch of his smirk as if he knew Lisa was intentionally annoying him.

"I'm leaving in 10, you should get ready," he gestured to me. I nodded and went upstairs to change.

•••••

I picked my phone and put it in the pocket of my trouser and held my wallet as I got into Jesse's car. Lisa bade us goodbye as he backed out of the driveway.

I knew if I told them I was going to get food for the house, they both would have stopped me. But my conscience wouldn't let me freeload off of them without trying to do anything in return. They didn't owe me any of what they gave me, so it was only right that I gave something back.

"Are you going to be fine by yourself?" He asked me. I turned to him and nodded with a small smile knowing well that if he followed me in, he would stop me from buying once he saw what I bought.

So I got down the car and went into the mall. I took all the things I wanted and dumped them in the shopping basket. Once I was done, I headed to the counter to pay for them. On the way to the counter, I didn't expect to find Jade and her other friends at the cosmetic shelf.

I rushed to the counter and watched the attendant pack six shopping bags for me. The horror that I could get found made me try to carry them all at once. I was doing very fine until I tripped on nothing and dropped one of the bags.

"Why did you get so much stuff?" I heard Jesse remark as he came down his car. We both packed the stuff and he took the rest of the bags from me.

"If I knew you wanted to spend your money on buying food for the house, I wouldn't have agreed to it," he mentioned as he looked through the bags to see the things I got.

"Yeah, that was why I didn't say anything about it. At least, let me do this," I asked him.

He dumped the bags in his trunk and we got back into the car. He seemed a little flustered as he only nodded to my statement. I wondered what he was busy thinking about since he didn't start the car. I didn't want to notice it so I just looked out the window hoping we could leave here very soon.

"Getting rejected by a university doesn't make you run away from home, June" he started.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "I told you last time, I don't want to go back there. Don't make me go back," I turned to him, the tremor shooting through my body.

"Don't you care about your family, they must be worried out of their minds. I found this missing flyer with your name on it, think about the horror they must be going through," he continued as he showed me the flyer with a picture of me in it.

"You don't know what you're saying." I shook my head aggressively as I pushed the flyer away.

"Then make me understand that running away from your family is the best decision to make, what are you running away from?" he asked me.

"They hate me, I'm better away. My sister doesn't want me there, my parents are disappointed. Tell me, what is there to go back to? I don't want to be miserable. Why can I not be happy too?" My eyes began to tear up, so I blinked them away. I had been at a loss for words. I understood I had to stop there. I didn't want to be slowly caving in to Jesse.

Opening up to him would put him in danger.

"You can't understand, Jesse. Don't try to," I shook my head and gazed outside the window.

"Look, if you tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help you. Why don't you talk to Melisa?" He prompted me further.

"I told you that's all there is to tell. Why do you think there's more?" I quirked my brows in confusion.

"Okay I'm going to need you to relax, you can tell  Mel—-"

"I'm not a charity case, Jesse. If your thing is saving people or helping them, I don't need those things. I don't need fixing," I sensed a resurgence of my horror. As I clenched my hands together, I could feel the terror pulling me back into the shadows and the panic rising from the pit of my stomach.

"It's okay, fine," I heard him say before he ignited the car and drove away from the mall.

I looked out the window and ignored Jesse for the rest of the ride. Why was he asking questions that I didn't want to answer? Couldn't he see what his questions did to me?

As he picked up two of his friends from the junction, I tried to ignore their existence as well until one of them spoke.

"Jesse, your friend looks beautiful," the person said.

"You should stop," I could feel his glare and the look of discomfort that he threw his friend.

How could this person still call me beautiful? Didn't they see, there was no life in this body, it was just food.

I kept staring out the window, oblivious to the emotion that was slowly consuming me. It was the first time I wished it was all a dream. It was the first time I wished I was hallucinating. It was the first time I wanted Jade's taunting to be the only miserable thing in my life.

At least, I could live with that.

💨March 15th
xx