Race for the Throne | Formula One

27. Panic

Charles was out of the shower, sitting on the bench in my bathroom, towel around his waist, when I got back. His shoulders were slumped and he was staring at his hands.

I knelt in front of him and took his hands in mine. "What are you thinking?"

"That everyone is right. That I'm not living up to all the expectations. That I'm not a good enough driver, that Jules and my dad would be disappointed. That I'm not enough for you, that it's all a lie, that you'll realize I'm not good enough."

"I can't tell you how to feel but I can tell you how I feel. I love you so much, I will do whatever it takes so that everyone knows how much I love you and how much none of this is a lie. I know that doesn't alleviate all of your worries but I hope it can help with one of them."

Charles lifted his head enough to look at me. "I love you too."

"Why don't you get dressed and we can join Arthur and Carlos. I sent them to the movie room to pick out something to watch." I got up and pulled him to his feet.

He nodded. I sat on the bed as he pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"I know I can never truly understand how you feel but I want you to know I'm going to be in your corner. I will always support you however I can, but you need to let me in, you need to let me know what you're thinking and feeling." I held his upper arms and looked at him seriously. "I really want this to work."

"I promise. I want this to work too, I love you." His voice was soft but stronger than before.

We walked out of my room, hand in hand.

"Alvaro is my head of security right now, Mateo is going to be in the background after what happened," I explained.

"Are you sure? I know you trust and know Mateo more than Alvaro."

I nodded. "It'll be ok with Alvaro, Mateo will still be around just not as often. And it'll just be until this all calms down. It was part of Mia's plan but I would have ended up suggesting it."

Charles smiled faintly at me.

We reached the movie room and found Carlos, Arthur, and Alex throwing popcorn at each other while my father sat on a couch with his arm around my mother.

"I wasn't expecting to see you all." I sat on another couch with Charles.

"Well we ran into these two lost young men wandering the halls and took pity on them," my mother said.

Carlos stopped whatever game they were playing. "That's true. Your directions were awful, we ended up in the entirely wrong wing and they found us and decided to join u-Ahh!"

Alex and Arthur high-fived after a strategically thrown piece of popcorn hit Carlos directly in the ear.

"Ok, you three. Shall we put a movie on?" my mother asked.

A Marvel movie was put on. Charles laid across the couch, head on my lap. I played with his hair. His body relaxed and I could feel the tension start leaving him. It felt good to have him in my arms again. Carlos, Arthur, and Alex spent most of the movie equal parts talking to themselves while shushing the others when they tried to talk. My parents just enjoyed being around us. I caught them glancing around at the five of us, just smiling to themselves.

Charles drifted off to sleep sometime during the movie so when it was over I didn't want to wake him. The others said goodnight and my mother brought over some blankets for us.

She kissed the top of my head. "Good night, my darling Kat. Hold onto him, you both need each other more than you know."

I put a pillow under Charles' head before moving to lay down next to him. I covered us with blankets. My father turned off the lights leaving us in darkness. I held Charles close to me, getting immense comfort from merely being with him again, listening to his breathing, feeling his heartbeat.

I woke in the middle of the night to Charles whimpering in his sleep.

"Charles, you're safe, it's ok, I'm here." I rubbed his back.

His face contorted and he cried out in his sleep.

"Charles!" I shook his shoulders until his eyes fluttered open.

"Kat?" His voice was hoarse.

"I'm here."

He started gasping for breath. "Kat."

I rolled off the couch and onto my feet. I helped him sit up right before kneeling in front of him.

"Charles, Charles, look at me, look at me."

When he did, there was pure panic and fear in his eyes. "I-I can't breathe!"

Grabbing his hand, I placed it against my chest, over my heart. "I'm here, I'm with you. You're not alone. Tell me four things you can feel."

"Wh-what?"

"Four things you can feel, Charles. What are they?" My voice came out stronger than I felt.

"Yo-your heartbeat, your ha-hand, th-the couch, and a blank-blanket." He stumbled over his words a bit.

"Three things you can hear now, tell me three things you can hear."

"The fan, your voi-voice, my breathing." His voice was getting steadier.

"You're doing great love, now two things you can smell?"

"Your shampoo, the popcorn Arthur was throwing."

I pressed my lips to his softly, slipping my tongue into his mouth for a moment before pulling back.

"What's something you can taste?" I asked.

"You, I can taste you from the kiss."

His breathing, although still faster, was no longer burdened. "Thank you."

I brushed his hair from his forehead. "What were you dreaming?"

"There was-It was a crash. But I wasn't watching from the car, I was watching it as an observer. There was nothing anyone could do. And I saw you, you were there, and there was nothing you could do but let the crash happen. And I couldn't get to you."

I hugged him tightly. "You're safe, I've got you."

He laughed slightly. "That hasn't happened in a while and last time I definitely didn't get so much care."

"What happened last time?"

"I was sharing a room with Pierre and he threw a cup of water on me, it did work though."

I laughed at the visual before asking, "Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, just tired."

Getting back on the couch, I cuddled up with Charles, holding him close. Even after his breathing had evened out, signifying his drifting off to sleep, I stayed awake. I kept watch over Charles the whole night, making sure he was ok.