Race for the Throne | Formula One

74. Promises

"Let's go." Charles pulled me to my feet and guided me to the door. "You can't stay here."
People and press lined the barriers that had been set to keep them away from the crime scene and out of harm's way. I considered resisting,I didn't want to be seen but I had to. I needed to reassure my people. Charles pressed his hand to the small of my back. Mateo joined us, keeping just behind my elbow as I had grown accustomed to. The barrier was moved enough that Peter could bring that car closer. I glanced back at them for reassurance. Charles nodded and Mateo gave a slight smile. I took a deep breath before walking out the door. Cameras flashed, voices called, but my voice didn't work. Thoughts raced through my head: How do you explain it all? How do you say that your family's death was an elaborate scheme? How do you say that someone tried to kill you?

I couldn't afford myself this uncertainty. My face would be everywhere in only a few moments, I couldn't allow myself to look uncertain in them. I slid into the car, Charles joined me wordlessly. Mateo signaled Peter to drive. We drove through the barrier and other security cars joined us as we made our way back to the palace. Staring out the window, I started cracking my knuckles. It normally brought some release of my nervous energy but now it just pulled at the cuts on my hands, tearing the still healing skin. Charles took my hand in his, stopping me from causing anymore damage. I looked over at him but he kept his eyes focused ahead. Even though my hand was in his, he was a million miles away from me.
When we arrived at the palace, I stood in the entryway, looking around. The palace looked the same as it always did. Same as when my family was alive, same now that they were gone. Turning my focus to Charles, I sighed. Arms crossed, he was serious.
"I owe you an apology." I bit my lip.
"I think you owe me a hell of a lot more than just an apology!" Charles' eyes flashed. "I want an explanation! I want to know why you couldn't just tell me what was going on! I want to know why you said everything you did!"
I took a step back. Charles had been annoyed with me before but he had never been genuinely angry with me. "Charles, I'll explain everything, can we just go somewhere-"
He cut me off by grabbing my uninjured arm. "No. No more running, no more leaving. I deserve to know and you're going to tell me right here."
He was right, I couldn't stall anymore.
I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead. "You're right, I'm sorry. You already know that Alvaro tried to kill me at the race. That's where everything started, that is when I knew my family was killed. I think ever since then I've felt like I died too, I was stuck. I couldn't mourn but I couldn't move on. I couldn't accept help from anyone because I didn't feel like I should have it. I was obsessed with finding out who killed them. Then I arrived back here and it was even worse. I couldn't mourn for myself, it wasn't until I overheard you and Arthur talking that I finally broke. But even then, I was grieving what you lost because I still couldn't grieve what I lost. I still don't think I have, I haven't let myself."
I dropped into a chair. "My father left letters, he tried to explain what happened. I tried to understand what was happening. I knew Jacques was involved and that was proven further when he texted me. That was right before you and Mateo came in to check on me. I kicked you both out to keep you safe, Jacques said that if you found anything out he'd kill you."
Charles walked closer and sat on the edge of a chair, listening quietly.
"I talked to him in the garden that night. He's the reason I had the funeral and the coronation so soon. I had to listen to what he ordered or he said that the first people he'd have killed were Pierre and Arthur. He wouldn't kill you first unless he had to. I-I couldn't let anyone die. I couldn't just be distant, I had to fully push you away. So that's what I did. Mateo told me I should just tell you. That I should just be honest with you, but I couldn't. I wasn't even the one that got the authorities involved, that was Nick when I told him that he was the next target. I can't even say that I wanted to tell you because I didn't. I didn't want to tell you the truth because it was hard. Mateo said that I was acting selflessly when I tried to protect you but really I was selfish. It was easier for me to push you all away, to say genuinely hurtful and terrible things to you, than to just tell you the truth. I'm so incredibly sorry for what I did." I looked up at Charles. "But whether you forgive me or not, that's the truth. I can beg your forgiveness until I no longer have a voice, and I'll do that if you want me to, but I can't change anything I did. I didn't even think I'd be here right now. I thought I was going to die, I wanted to die. I didn't want to be here. I thought it would be easier for us all if you hated me. But Jacques was right, I'm still here. Now I have to live with my actions and my choices. So now I choose to say, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Charles stood up, pacing. "You were able to tell Mateo but you couldn't tell me."
I clasped my hands tightly to stop myself from fidgeting. "I told him because his life wasn't mentioned in any of the threats. He wasn't important to Jacques. I couldn't do things alone and I couldn't get you involved because although I felt dead after the news of my family, if you were gone I truly would be dead. There would be nothing left to me. And no matter what you think of me, at least your alive."
He turned to face me, a million emotions warring on his face. "Why didn't you tell me you killed Alvaro sooner?"
"Because I was afraid you'd look at me the way you did. Because I did want to admit to myself that I had killed someone regardless of it being in self defense," I whispered.
Charles ran his hand through his hair. "I wasn't afraid of you, I was afraid for you. You weren't being yourself,I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know how to help. I felt like I was failing you and you telling me that you killed Alvaro just furthered the fact that I'm not able to keep you safe, I'm not enough."
I jumped to my feet and grabbed his hand. "That's not it at all, you are enough. No one was there, that's why they picked that time to try to kill me. It's not your fault, or my fault, or Mateo's fault."
"You have to stop protecting me at the expense of yourself." Charles looked at our clasped hands.
I chewed my lip. "I'll work on it."
"No, I need you to promise me. I need you to promise that you won't shut me out every time anything happens. I need you to promise that you'll talk to me." Charles' voice was firm.
I nodded, tears pricking my eyes. "I promise. I love you, Charles. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work."
Charles sighed. "I can't promise what the future will hold for us but I promise to do everything I can to make this work too."
Without further hesitation, I buried my face in his chest, holding his shirt tightly, soaking in familiar warmth and scent, the familiar feeling of safety. He wrapped his arms around me.

The next day, I met with Susan and a few other officials. I insisted that Mateo and Charles were present. I handed over copies of all the information we had gathered. We further discussed the case and Susan promised to keep in touch to let me know how the investigation was going. I took a ragged breath once I was in the hall outside the office. Reaching for my shoulder, I tried to grab it but instead my hand closed around another hand.

My head jerked up.

Charles was gripping my hand tightly. "Mateo told me that you've been doing that too. What's going on in your head?"

"It's over and it all happened so quickly. It doesn't feel real. I've spent every moment up until now trying to take down the ones who killed my family. Now that that's over, what's left? I was ready to die but I'm still here," I said softly.

"I'm glad you didn't die," Charles stepped closer to me.
I smiled faintly. "That makes me feel a bit better but it's also just a weird feeling, like I'm lighter and heavier at the same time. Like I just want to get away from all this now that it's over."

"No more running away alone. From now on if you run, I run with you. Got it?" Charles pulled me close.

"I promise." I allowed myself to just enjoy being held by him for a moment. " I need to apologize to the others."

Charles kissed the top of my head. "I think it would be a good idea, new sources are posting a hundred different things and they deserve the truth."

A few hours later, the drivers and their girlfriends were gathered at the palace and seated in the dining room.

I fidgeted with my hands. "I owe you all a huge explanation..." I proceeded to tell them everything that had happened from arriving in Monaco to the meeting this morning.

Without hesitation, Ines jumped to her feet and pulled me into a tight hug. "I understand, just never ever do that again."

I laughed slightly as she let me go. "I'm never planning on doing it again."

Next to hug me was Arthur. "I always knew you loved me."

"Even though I fucked up and I hurt Charles when you made me promise to never do that?" I asked hesitantly.

"Even though all that happened because I know you were doing it to protect him and me." Arthur stepped away.

Pierre wrapped me in a hug from behind. I yelped with surprise.
"Thanks for not letting me get killed." The Frenchman said.

I gave a crooked smile. "Couldn't let Charles lose his best friend and I've grown rather fond of you too."

One by one, I reconciled with all of them. Soon my smiles turned real as I realized that hadn't lost them.

Without really realizing it, I kept flexing my hands next to my sides, I needed to grab my shoulder. It had become habit and I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions even if they were positive this time. Someone grabbed my hand. I looked down as Charles whispered, "Just squeeze my hand, it's ok. I'm here for you."