APOCANGELICA Wild Beasts

Chapter 3

 "A few days ago I happened to exchange a few words with Clarissa" said Ada.

"Oh yeah?" asked Dr Von Hillkeneim surprised.

"Yes, of course... does it sound weird?"

"In just over six months that you're with us you have not socialized much with the other guests, but beginning is always a good thing. Good, and what did you talk about?"

"Well, it wasn't a proper chat... in other words I was just walking by minding my own business and she was there, curled up in the corner... I know that she has been at the Asylum for over four years and suffers from hallucinations or something similar, here everyone knows everything about everyone; however I thought she needed, I don't know, to return to her room or that... but in the end a nurse arrived and accompanied her back to the room or to wherever she was going to."

"Good."

"Ehm, yes! But that was not what I wanted to tell you... well, Clarissa was crying, actually she was sobbing. So I asked her why she was crying and she replied,"Because I am a prisoner!" Without thinking I said:"You mean the bars on the windows?" But I knew she didn't mean them."

"And then what did she say?" urged the doctor.

"She pointed her index finger to her head and whispered something but I couldn't hear her so I got closer, crouched down in front of her and said:"What?" and she pointed the finger to my forehead and said," No, the bars are here! In here! And there is no escape..."that's what I meant." Ada remained silent waiting to see if the doctor would advance some kind of interpretation.

After a few seconds, seeing that Ada was silent, the doctor encouraged her to continue talking and asked:"And... ?"

"So I" continued Ada,"asked her:"Since when have them bars been there?". Although in a way I had already figured out that reply by myself. Anyway she started staring into space and after a few seconds said,"I have forgotten when I started to build them... slowly you start to imagine... and in the end you find yourself behind them and you don't know how to get out anymore... you would want to run away... but... it can't be done!" and that's the end".

"Did Clarissa really say that?"

"Well not exactly word by word, but that was what she meant. So I asked her why couldn't she run away and she replied:"Because the cage is me... and I am the cage"... I thought about it for the rest of the night: the cage, I... At the end of the day everyone builds their own personal hell in which to pay for their sins. Don't you think so, Doc?"

"Obviously the dual applies also," said the doctor reclining back in his chair.

"In the sense that one chooses weather to surround himself with the flames of hell or the clouds of heaven?"

"Well, free will, at least regarding one's own mind, is one of the few certainties that we can have in life."

"Really? Doc, do you really believe that we are free to think what we want ?!"

"Absolutely. Don't you think so, Ada?"

"I believe... I believe that in the end our thoughts are a reflections of the world in which we live in... and if one lives in a world of hot flames he's unlikely to be able to imagine fresh clouds... that's what I think."

"Certainly the body affects the mind as much as the mind affects the body, but except in the cases of extreme coercive situations, the mind on its initiative can always break this vicious circle."

"Hmmm... I'm not convinced."

"The therapy that we are following will enable you to take full possession of your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings, and then, finally, of your body. That's enough for today, Ada. Think about it and tomorrow we'll talk about it more."