If I Stare Too Long

Chapter 24: No Doubt In My Mind (Where You Belong)

Sunrises in California are really something else.

Billy remembers them as a kid, sitting on the beach with his mom, watching dawn kiss the place where the sky meets the water.

He's not sure that holds a candle to how it looks now, with Billy sitting on the balcony of the cheap apartment they're subletting from some guy named Hank, who owns the pizza place downstairs, while he nurses a cup of coffee from a coffee machine that's older than him. The coffee tastes burnt and wonderful when all he can smell is salt air on the wind.

Right now, the sky's lit up with orange and pink, violet clouds hanging low on the horizon. The water's painted with color, too—a rippling, mirrored reflection. The view couldn't be better: they're above the boardwalk, with practically nothing between them and the sea.

"Why are you always up so early," Eddie says, padding out onto the balcony to join Billy.

"Someone's gotta not be lazy," Billy says.

Though even Billy's maybe gotten a bit lazy, on this extended vacation with the two of them. Sure, he goes on the occasional run to stretch his legs, but all Billy really ever wants to do is hang out with his two boyfriends in their tiny apartment. It feels indulgent, this time they have together. And Billy doesn't want to waste a minute of it. Even if they're asleep and he's awake.

"C'mere," he says, tugging Eddie into his lap, allowing Eddie to steal the mug out of his hands.

"My, aren't you a strong fella," Eddie bats his lashes over the edge of his stolen mug, stealing a hefty mouthful before offering it back. "What's there to not be lazy about? You got somewhere pressing to be, California?"

It rings a little funny, every time Eddie calls him that when they're already here. And the jokes got old within the first month.

Still, it's kinda charming. Because it's Eddie, and Eddie's always kinda and charming.

"Nowhere to be," Billy says. "Just wanted to catch the sunrise."

It feels a little unreal, being here.

Some days, he wakes up and just can't believe it, can't wrap his mind around this being reality. Being here. In California. With Eddie and Steve. The nightmares still linger, darkness creeping in around the edges, but it's the sheer unfathomability of his reality that rocks him the most, sometimes. Even before the Upside Down, Billy never thought he'd be here. Never thought he'd get to have this.

Watching the sunrise helps remind him that this is all real.

Eddie hums and leans in to kiss his temple, breath smelling like coffee. "Waves any good today?"

Because Billy had got them both on a surfboard, half as a joke until Steve took to it like the fish he is. His form still leaves something to be desired, but he insists that he likes the challenge.

Considering he's ended up with a guy like Eddie and a guy like Billy, he supposes that's probably true.

If the waves are any good, Steve will spend the morning plowing face-first into them, until he's worn and lazy, and beach beat. Billy, by proxy, will end up in the water with him– or at least watching him– and Eddie will trail along to make a nuisance of himself or will stay back and sleep until they're done playing in the surf.

If the waves are bad, Eddie will probably drag Billy back to bed until the sun is a little higher in the sky. Back to a sleep-warm Steve, sprawled over their mattress.

And Billy's been watching the sea all morning. Since the sun came up. The sky is reflecting beautifully off the serene ocean, the sunrise mirrored almost perfectly below from above.