I get home. Flop my stuff onto the floor. I look at the clock hanging above the dining room table. 10:30pm.
"Hi, mom." She awakes slightly.
"How was your day today?" She asks. I reply with the same.
"Good." It was good, but it could've been better. Well, a lot better. But what I really wanted to say was:
"Actually, it sucked. I'm stressed, tired, lacking the sleep I so desperately need. I stayed up way too late last night just to end up not even getting any homework done. I stared at a wall, picked at my scabs, cried to music... but I couldn't even get up to put on my pj's. Hours on end of wasted time, finally falling asleep around 2am. Not that I can't sleep, I just don't want to."
"Woke up this morning at 5am to go to school early with my sister. 6:30am: sitting in a classroom, alone, attempting to complete the homework due this same day. My friends come around 8am, but I don't see them because I'm with Abby. She tells me I need sleep. She tells me it'll help my overthinking and stress. I know, Abby. I know. I just don't feel like it."
"I don't see Athila at break. I'm worried about her. Last I saw her I carried her into a Culver's bathroom and then waited for her while she cried and threw up from the pain. I hurt Ingurie last I saw him because I was tired and stressed. I was snappy and I made him feel unwanted without realizing it. I didn't even get to see him to make it up to him."
"Mrs. J. embarrassed me and made me feel stupid for talking too fast. Kay made me feel like a disappointment for not being flexible. I wanted to cry. No, I wanted to die. I wanted to crash my car or stab myself in the middle of nowhere where no one would find me until it's too late. I can't think straight. I'm annoying. I'm needy. I'm problematic. I can't even save my best friends."
"But yes, my day was good, mom."
