chapter nineteen

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Arthur's POV
I was acting like a selfish prat. God, Merlin was right. I was giving up before the fight even started. How could I do that to him? He has been here for so long you can see it in his eyes. I am so lost, and he is here, trying to light my way, when he was gone from this world for longer, and he was counting on me to fight with him. I have failed Merlin, and by doing that, I have failed everyone and everything. Even my own heart. I have left him in the dark. When I died, it didn't seem long until I came back. I came back right after I chose a door, a memory that I wanted to be there with. It was the memory of when me and him were joking around in the court yard. I smile at this as I remember running after him. My smile fades and I remember the things that I had said to him. I was a terrible friend, and now that I release what I have done, the way I gave up on him. the utter defeat that bloomed into his eyes, the flicker of hope that was so close to dying, fell. I caused him to fall. He was trying to hold up an already cracked and broken wall, and what I had said, made him fell and die with he hope.

"Arthur, what's wrong? You can tell me anything. I'm right here." Gwen asks and puts her hand on my shoulder. I resist the urge to shake her hand off and tell her that it's nothing to be concerned about. Although, in my mind, I was worried that what I said will never be able to be proven wrong.

Gwen's POV
Arthur was acting weird and nervous the whole day. I can't stand it. Seeing him like this, it hurts my heart. I haven't seen Merlin the whole day. I'm beginning to get worried for Merlin tends to get into trouble, without even looking for it. Arthur looks around the room when ever he hears a noise, probably hoping that it was Merlin, I know that he worries about him. They are always together. Even in the most testing situations, Merlin is always by his side, there to help and protect Arthur. His king, his friend. I look around and walk into the kitchen and bring out and apple to give to Arthur, but he just shakes his head and says that he isn't hungry. He hasn't eaten all day, and there is no sign of Merlin.
"Okay, do you know anything about Merlin's disappearance? I'm worried about him Arthur, you know that he tends to get into danger. " I say, trying to coax Arthur to tell me what happened between them.
"He was in the room the last I saw him. I'm worried too Gwen. I don't know what I would do with my self if he got hurt, but it's Merlin, the most powerful wizard in the world, he will be able to protect himself." Arthur says putting his head in his hands.
"You seriously think that because he is so powerful that he won't need help? Are you that dull? He needs us all more because of it. Merlin may be powerful, but he is more fragile than all of us combined. Every smile he gives hides the worst pain and sadness that no man or woman should hold. He cares so much about what you think, that it physically hurts him when you do shit like this. You don't deserve Merlin to protect you. You don't deserve the man that went out of his way to raise me as a friend. He put everything he had into finding you again. He spoke highly of the once and future king as if you were made of gold. I believe that he still sees this in you, and then you come and destroy what he had left. Merlin was holding on by a string, his flame of faith in this world was dying out, his hope to defeat Morgana was falling, and you caused him to fall and now, we have a broken warlock. My father, the man that raised me, has fallen. Don't say that you worry for him. He was happy, finally when you came back to him. You are not the man in the stories. You need to find that man again, because if you don't, Merlin will surely die. This is all your fault he left the house and is wondering about trying to recollect what he lost." Astrina screams at Arthur, and all he can do is let his head fall more.
"Stop, you don't know Arthur. He went through enough. Arthur is one of the most heart filled men I have known, and you are insulting the greatest king that I know. He would never hurt Merlin knowingly." I say to her, trying to keep a level head.
"No, she is right. I have to go and do something, I have to make this right. For everyone, and me." Arthur stands and leaves to face the day and find his best friend, Merlin.

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