Written by @/snowflakewhispers on Tumblr.
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"For fucks sake-"Your doorbell is ringing continuously and you're wondering what the hell could be so urgent that they had to disrupt your evening, and your frustration makes you open your front door aggressively to the sight of your best friend staring at you with a bleak expression.
"Hakkie?"
Haknyeon grunts and brushes past you, trudging into the living room and letting himself collapse onto your sofa. You're unfazed by your best friend's behaviour, having dealt with his rant episodes more times than you can remember, but you're caught off-guard when he buries his face into a pillow and screams into it.
You shut your front door, making your way over to the man-child and snatching the pillow off his face.
"What is it this time, Hak?" He usually rants about his problems right off the bat, but it seems that there's some resistance to confide in you today.
"I'm gonna be a half-virgin for the. Rest. Of. My. Life."
"Half-virgin?" You question as you sit down and beckon him to rest his head in your lap, and your hands automatically come up to thread through his hair, "what the hell is a half-virgin?"
"Do I really need to explain?"
"Mm... I suggest you provide your own explanation and we'll see if it aligns with my understanding of the term-"
"Don't make me do this!" He whines, "you know damn well what I mean."
"Oh because your explanations are always so clear," you mumble, pushing some strands of his hair away from his forehead, "anyway, what makes you think you're gonna be a half-virgin for the rest of your life?"
"Nobody wants to fuck me."
Haknyeon says that so matter-of-factly that you can't help but erupt with laughter, and he's staring up at you from your lap with the most offended look on his face.
"Oh I'm sorry, do you thrive on my suffering?! I would appreciate it if my best friend showed a little bit of concern for someone who's chronically single."
It takes a while for your laughter to die down and you have to force yourself to continue the conversation. "You know, I thought you came over to rant about an actual problem, there's no need to be so dramatic about it-"
"But it's so bad!" Haknyeon forgets how loud he can be, and his outburst makes you flinch, "you know that girl from econ I've been seeing? I thought things were going pretty well and we were about to do it-"
"Gross-"
"SHUSH! Let me finish- as I was saying, as we were about to do it, she felt me up, and when she actually felt me- it, she decided that she wasn't feeling well and she fucking bolted! And it's not the first time it's happened!!!"
Haknyeon stares at you, expecting you to give him some advice instantly but all you do is raise your eyebrows at him in confusion. "It?"
"My dick. It's too big."
Unbelievable.
"So you're saying that your schlong is so big that you actually scare people with it?"
"Yes," he deadpans, "that is exactly what I'm telling you."
Bullshit. Nobody could ever be that big. This cocky motherfucker. A lot of the men you have come across tended to exaggerate about their size, and it disappointed you to think that Haknyeon such a... man.
He sits up from your lap and adjusts his position on the sofa to face you, almost as if he's expecting a solution from you, but he's more than ready to reiterate just how severe his problem is when he sees you roll your eyes at him."Dude, I'm sorry but there's no way you're being serious right now-"
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The Boyz smut collection
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