Edward

Chapter Ten

Washington, DC - 2018

You light a cigarette. I roll over. I'm naked to.

"God you have a beautiful body. You really are perfect."

I smile. "give me one" I say.

"Really? It won't get into the breast milk?"

"How?"

"nicotine? Does it?":

"I seriously don't think so. It's only one."
You light the cigarette for me. I lean back, comfortable to be naked. So happy to have you with me. I forget Leora for a moment.

"What are we going to do?"I whispered.

"Just be."

'What made you come back to me?"

"I was always going to."

"how did you know I'd still want you—be here?"

"I didn't."

"yes you did." I wasn't playful. I was almost accusing.

"please forgive me Annie. Please forget."

"I don't understand what I did."

"It wasn't you."

"Was she so desirable. You couldn't resist?"I start to get upset. I start to cry.

"I didn't even want her."

"Shut up." I snapped. "I saw you on the beach. You know I saw you. You wanted that ugly bitch."

Silence. Except for our noticeable inhalation and exhalation. I put my cigarette out in the same tea cup. The one with the purple rose and the vine that wraps around the bottom of the cup. I roll over and cry. I cry into the couch cushion. I expect you to lay beside me. To hold me or comfort me. You just smoke. 

Finally a quite "Annie."

I don't turn to you. I just cry. Quiet sobs. I am a fool. No one will feel sorry for me. Why should they?

"Annie something happened. I couldn't take all of it."

I hear her voice. "you are killing him. Ann. You're ruining his life. He doesn't love you but you've made him feel so guilty—He had to go back to you because of the suicide attempt. What would people think?"

"She called me today."

There is silence.

"Annie — I'll take care of it."

"No. that's just it. I do't want you to 'take care of it.' I don't want you to have anything to do with her. Why don't you start being honest for once in your life? What was so appealing? Why did you leave us? How many times did you see Alexander in those three months? What were you doing, Edward?" I hadn't realized the tone of my voice had escalated. I heard the shrill cry of the baby. I rise, throw on my sun dress and push past you. You're stunned. You're frozen. I think I want to leave you. Go away from here. Let you clean up his mess - stuck with the vile Leora Hall.

You grab my hand as I start past you.

You stand.

"Well get through this together. "

"Why should I?"
"Because you love me and I love you."

"Then start telling the truth."

"All right."

"Why did you see her today?"

"Because she's crazy and I'm afraid for you."

I am in disbelief.

"How many hours did you spend there?"
"Four."

"Four?"
"yes."

"What were you doing there for four hours?"

"Trying to talk sense into her."

"Why? Who cares if she gains sense."

"She's acting crazy."

She had sounded crazy. That's true.

"I don't' know if I love you."

Your eyes lost all emotion. I'd never seen you look at me that way before. It was worse than coldness and disregard moments before. "Annie." You whisper.

The baby stopped crying. He must have rolled back over. His crib is right next to Maddy's bed. Both of their preference. She must have rubbed his back. Kissed his forehead. 

We do have love in this family, Edward.