Grug x Shrek Story

The night we met.

Grugs pov:
The pale green night was painted with stars and the mud springs boiled with hot bubbles. I dipped my big toe into the brown sludge and wiggled it with happinesses. I soon flopped into the mud, my fatass giggled like a Brazilian and recoiled like a gay man as I leapt in. I looked over seeing a tall, green, muscular odgar looking over at me.
"What are you looking at?" I hissed at him.
He blushed at me "I like your eyes." He said in an awkward tone, but I know he was trying to make things seem normal.
"Are you from around here?" I spoke in a smug tone. He looked in my eyes and that's when something clicked, his eyes were so beautiful they were the most gorgeous shade of brown ever.
"Yeah" he said "I live at a swamp, a couple of minutes away from here. You should stop by some time." He giggled and blushed
Just then, Ugga, my bitchass wife hopped into the pool. Her ass is so flat she looks like the thing I cave pile on. Im falling out of love with her but I just don't know how to tell her. I feel like I should just be honest but I don't want that hoe to take custody of MY kids!
"Whatz up guys?" She said in her cringey YouTube into voice. 
"I met this cut- uhh.. I meet this really cool guy, his name is uhh.."
"Shrek." He said
"Yeah, shrek! Pfft, I knew that!"
I could already see jealousy on Uggas face, she knew I tried hooking up with minors on TikTok before. But this time, she won't know a thing..