A Painful Desire (Principal Weems)

2.

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"Can Anybody Find Me

Somebody to love?

Each morning i get up i die a little

Can't barely stand on my feet

Take a look in the mirror and cry

Lord, what you're doing to me"

Well that cuts deep. Who would have thought that such melody could carry such sadness in it's lyrics. Well of course I only said that because I'm a sore loser who just could not bring myself to fall for someone I could be with.

I've got my earbuds in my ear, leaning onto the balcony, fully taking in the astonishing view. I whispered the lyrics, trying to relate with each words spat out. It was early in the morning, the sun barely rose. Everyone could possibly still be asleep but I was ready. I was not a morning person before Nevermore but now I have to be one. It's the only time when the place goes silent.

Perhaps I was too deep into my thoughts and the lyrics that I did not realized a tall figure standing behind me. I felt a tap on my shoulder which led me to jolt in shock. I almost let out a cuss word, which I'm glad I didn't because, of course the figure would be someone who has been spinning inside of my head ever since I saw her. Principal Weems.

"What are you doing here this early, young lady?" She asked.

It took me awhile to let out a response to this woman because of.. well.. because of this woman.

She was wearing a dress with a long coat which was understandable, it was cold. Her hair was done, it shined in my eyes like a light I so desperately wished to run my fingers through. My eyes lingered on this goddess for too long, I started to stutter my words, searching for anything that could resemble an answer that would have made sense.

"Well I.. I just wanted to truly appreciate the silence and the view of this school, Mrs. Weems" I spat out, obvious that I was shaken and lost for words. I mistakenly said Mrs. instead of ms. and I felt like a much more miserable soul.

"It's Ms. Weems. And I do advice you to wear a coat because it is cold out here especially this early." She said with a delight. Her smile did something to me that I could not explain. I felt important even though I knew she is just someone doing her job but oh if only she knew the ache I feel in my chest whenever she cross my mind.

"Well, my dear... um.. ms. y/l/n is it? You should get back inside your room and get a bit more rest but of course I'm not forcing you to.. Well I'll see you when I see you, dearest. Have a magical day!" She said, almost sounding too excited. Somewhere inside me feels like this woman tries too hard to hide the fact that there might be a missing part in her heart. I only said that because she almost looks like myself when I try to communicate with others.

I stared at her walking away from me, the starstruck gaze quickly left my eyes, shifting into a sad, cold stare of loneliness. I let out a loud sigh, leaning on the balcony again while overthinking everything that I said to her. Did I somehow made her feel uncomfortable? Did I sound like a loser? All of these insecure thoughts led to tears gushing out of my eyes. I quickly wiped it away and ignore all of these stupid thoughts.

I was used to feeling lonely. Why now when I'm here, these feelings feel a bit too intense? Is it because of Principal Weems? I don't even know her personally, how do I even feel this strongly for her? I have lived longer than most and I have definitely seen attractive people before but something about this lady who literally stands out of all people that makes me believe I could go through love. It gave me strength to the willingness of sacrificing myself, to go through the pain of losing her to nature as long as I could feel her at least once. To understand her inside and out is the least I wish to do and I believe it will be enough to give me sparks in my eternal life, even if it means I will have to go through the pain of losing her.

The whole day went smoothly. Lorraine is a good friend, for now. I met a few people but I quickly detached myself from them. Classes were over, none were taught that I didn't know already. It's the experience, don't call me smart. These activities were only to fill up my empty life and it meant nothing to me. All of these meant nothing to me until Larissa Weems appeared and I am willing to take any risk for that woman.

Nothing much really happened for the next few weeks. It was the same thing over and over again. I saw Weems a few times, even spoke to her once or twice. It felt rather like a torture to live in that campus with a woman that has not left my head since I laid my eyes on her but I could do nothing to get myself close to her. She's impossible. She's forbidden.

As much as it tortures me, it still made my heart throbbed like never before. It's a pleasure to breathe the air she breathe. To smell her perfume mixed with her body odor of a long day working when we walked passed each other. Everything about her humbles me. I feel like a stinky stray dog wishing to be petted by a goddess.

I haven't been socializing with people at all, honestly. Not even with Lorraine. I kept myself busy with doing sketches, writing stuff and listening to songs. I barely touched my guitar because a part of me felt too weak and filled with sorrow to even bother. Suddenly all of the songs I listen to are about my principal. It is inappropriate of me to have felt these. I could not sleep nor eat just thinking about her. I felt ill.

I have never felt clueless to what I should do but suddenly that's what happened to me. I truly have no idea on what I should do. Should I graduate and forget about her, leaving only her angelic self in my mind to remember her as I continues to live my never ending life? Or should I try my hardest to get this woman to understand my feelings and have her accept me and my desire? Of course I would not do it recklessly. I have my pride. Suddenly all of these choices only made me seems like I have none.

I am clueless.. Larissa Weems, you monster.

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A/N

I hope this chapter shows how y/n have found her limit to her limitless life. hehe idek if it's good enough so please leave some comments as reviews!