A way away

13. The climb

Tobirama avoided me after that.

I tried knocking on his door. I tried coming to the lighthouse at every thinkable and unthinkable hour of the day. I even tried getting hold of him in his practice. But nothing.

Then, I realised. I realised why he was avoiding me. Of course. How could I have been so stupid! I wouldn't want anything to do with me, either, if I had caused me as much terror as I had obviously caused Tobirama. Tobirama didn't want anything to do with me because I made him re-experience the frights of war.

So I started avoiding him as well. I cried about it every night. I hardly held myself together during the days when I was with the children, but when the day was finally over, I could go to Madara's cottage where I could break down and cry and cry and cry.

I didn't see him at all. From the moment he left me frightened and out of breath, I hadn't managed to catch even a glimpse of him. It had been weeks, and the only thing I had left of him was some faint scars on my neck and our memories.

Then one day, I stood at the pitch of sand next to my lighthouse, my hand on the same crack where Tobirama used to have his hand. I was looking out on the pink sunset, the ocean a soft grey, so different from the rumbling blackness of the storm that had almost killed me. And the ferry was arriving, tearing a white, frothy rash into the velvety ocean. My heart leapt when I looked down on the harbour and saw Madara was there, leisurely clad in a black T-shirt and beige cargos as he was taking a walk. His face turned as the ferry docked, curious who would arrive.

I was just about to shout at him when the unmistakeable figure of Tobirama came into view on the other side of the harbour. He wore a black polo and black trousers and looked very, very restless. I frowned. What was going on?

Then, I saw a tall figure come ashore. It was a man, with short, chestnut-brown hair. I couldn't distinguish any features, but I could see he was dressed neatly in brown trousers and a pastel shirt.

And he ran over the harbour, straight into the arms of Tobirama.

My heart was torn in jealousy as if the ferry had torn its frothy path across it. But then, I realised that the man who had come must be Tobirama's brother. And there was no sign of distress within the man; he was laughing, he was moving about happily, and he looked around the island to take in his new home.

I walked closer, climbing down the hill curious about his face, but it was a careful climb as I didn't want Tobirama to notice me. I saw his brother had big eyes and arched eyebrows, and he was taller and thinner than Tobirama.

But then, I caught sight of Madara's face. He stood dead still, mouth agape, drinking this new man in.

I suddenly remembered how Madara had complained about feeling lonely. And then, I smiled, my first reason to smile since Tobirama had fucked me.

Three things happened after Hashirama's arrival. First of all, Madara became much, much happier. I had always seen him as a happy and content man, but it was nothing compared to how bubbly and sparkling he became. He was clearly in love.

Secondly, Tobirama started to try and get hold of me. He would come knocking on my cottage door. He would wait at the lighthouse. He even put a letter in my letterbox, asking me to meet him. I refused him. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I had seen how much pain and fright I had caused him, and I loved him too much to contribute to that.

Madara tried to talk sense into me.

"Let him at least speak to you", he said. If he and Tobirama's brother had talked about me, he didn't say it, but I suspected they had.

I still refused. Because I knew that once I got close to him again, it would kill me to tear myself away once more. 

The third thing that happened was that the news reported that the war in Tobirama's birth country had died down, and it was becoming a much safer place. I felt relief, for his sake. How terrible, to have the country you were born in destroyed by war.

A few more weeks passed. Madara became happier and happier, and Tobirama became less and less resilient in his quest to talk to me. I tried to feel relief, but felt only sadness.

Then one day, there was a knock on my door. I looked out of my kitchen window to see who stood at my front door. To my great surprise, it was Tobirama's brother.

I considered not opening for him, but decided against it. I didn't want to be rude. When I opened, the man smiled a big, teethy smile, and seemed genuinely happy to see me.

"Finally I have the pleasure to meet the little brother Madara has talked about so much!" He had a very direct way, and his compliment made me blush. I noticed he had the same accent as Tobirama. "Am I disturbing you?" he asked.

"Not at all, come in", I said, stepping aside, inviting him into my home.

"I brought these for you", he said, and I saw he had a bouquet of fresh, pink tulips in his hand. "Madara helped me pick them, as a welcoming gift."

"Oh, wow! Thank you!" I said, flustered. The man had a life energy beyond words, and I could see what Madara saw in him. "It should have been me who bought you a welcoming gift!"

"Nonsense", Hashirama said and took off his coat.

I made us tea, and we sat down in my couch in a comfortable silence. I was taken back to the night Tobirama had examined me in this couch, after I had almost drowned, and what we had done afterwards.

I shook the fantasy away, and turned to Hashirama.

"How are you finding our Island?" I asked.

He smiled.

"I was hesitant at first. But with my brother here, and now Madara..." He sipped his tea. "I love it."

I looked down, unsure what to say. It was a comfortable silence.

"Izuna?"

"Mmm?" I turned to the chestnut-haired man, his short fringe hanging over one eye. I was surprised to see how serious he looked.

"I am here to ask you to come with me and Madara to the autumn festival."

"Oh", I said, surprised.

The autumn festival was the biggest event on the island. It was a festival to celebrate harvest and the changing of colours, and everyone always went.

"Sure", I said.

"Great", Hashirama said with a smile.

I did not know that Hashirama had invited me because he had also invited Tobirama who, after a lot of hesitation, had finally agreed as well.