unbounded abyss

?

I was named Tara Moore, like the rose. I was never a fan of romance or relationships, until something happened.

At first I had no idea what had over come me, my heart began to beat faster, my face would turn scarlet, my breath would hitch, I would feel nervous and anxious whenever he was near...

My life isn't bad or good it just is, my favorite book had and will always be Tuck Everlasting. I have no relation to the book whatsoever but it made me feel...well good.

I am a twenty six year old woman but still struggle with understanding myself. I never went through that phase where I would contemplate my exsistance, I always thought I purely exsited because that is the way it should be. I never questioned anything, whatever anyone said I would believe, whatever I was told I would do.

Then I grew old now I sit here, doing exactly as I'm told even now.

I would always hear people talk about peace,
I would wonder about it but when I would forage for it, it would not matter whether it is through books or the internet I would always get a diffrent answer. I read that you would never find peace of mind until you listened to your heart (George Michael), I attempted to but my heart would not
Respond.

The world I live in is isolated and controlled, but that is what helped me value the beauty of the world. I would always imagine the world without the people, I would then get a subtle glimpse of what I assumed was true peace. The gentle breeze of the wind would wash over the winsome flowers, playing a heavenly melody in my ear. The numerous colors and shapes of the world would satisfy me as I stare at the world mesmerized. The warm rays from the sun sending a tingling sensation through my body, the action would enchant me as my body gets taken over by pure bliss.

I would spend late nights laying in complete darkness, darkness both scared and comfort me. In darkness I could never see what was coming and that would both comfort and scare me. But over the years I have learnt to take contentment in the dark, because once you step into the light, you would be devoured by a sense of uneasiness and perturbation. How I would dream of just remaining in complete darkness, the only reason I would step out of the light would be to admire the beauty of the world.

I was never acquainted with anyone, since my school years. I was just the girl who sat in the corner watching the days go by. I vaguely remember my classmates names, I had always thought it to be trivial. I would never pay attention to the educators, I would always stare out the window and dream. My teachers would always reprimand me for it, but their thoughts and feeling were insignificant to me. I was labeled as a strange child, but the teachers cared little about it because I did as I was told. Nobody would call me names or bully me, nobody paid mind to my exsistance. At that age I had
Already had a fascination with literature, I would read how in your adolescent years you would learn that sometimes you are not the main character but an extra that is to the convenience of the main character. The statement to this day still baffles me, but the odd quote found a hidden and homely place within my heart. At school I refused to take part in sport, culture or any other activities. I found them all immaterial and bothersome, I would only focus on abtaining as much knowledge as I could. My parents never batted an eye aslong as my results were good they were happy. My teacher once asked in class 'who are you?', I was left completely bewildered, unable to answer the question. My teacher told me at that age it was understandable to not know and that I would create my answer as I got older, but now I lay here aged twenty six still unsure.

I feel like a prisoner to this world, trapped and held captive. The world was filled with so much goodness but even greater evil. But I have no plans to escape my assigned cell, I was just another woman in orange. If I did escape, what would I do? The question plagued my nights and days. I hated myself for thinking about the question, but I could not help but wonder, what if?