The Lawyer's Dangerous Lover (Ongoing)

5th

Jade took care of me while I remained passive, barely able to process what was happening. All I knew was that after he carried me out of the shower, soaking wet and trembling, he gently wrapped me in my blanket. I just watched him, trying to steady my racing heart, forcing myself to calm down, though the fact that he was here felt all wrong. I didn’t want him here, but I was too weak to push him away, and I couldn’t find my voice to tell him to leave.

I watched as he moved toward my walk-in closet, disappearing inside for a moment. A wave of confusion washed over me. How did he know about this place? How did he even know to come here? The thought that he might have followed me home crept into my mind, leaving me uneasy, but I was too drained to think clearly.

Natigil ang pagiisip ko nang lumabas siya, bitbit ang ilang piraso ng damit ko habang may malinis na towel na nakasampay sa kaniyang balikat. I observed his actions the whole time that I was just lying on my bed, with my hands grasping the blanket he covered me with.

"Are you calm now?" His voice reached me clearly, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. My hands tightened their grip on the blanket, fingers knotting the fabric as I kept my gaze fixed downward. I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t meet his eyes. The weight of everything made it impossible. I just stayed there, staring at the floor, refusing to lift my head and acknowledge him.

Why did it have to be him? Of all people, why did he  have to be the one to see me like this—so vulnerable, so broken? I clenched my fists tighter, the frustration building inside me. Why did he follow me, after everything? Why couldn't he just let me be? The thought of him witnessing me in this state made my chest tighten, the humiliation cutting deeper than I wanted to admit.

Nang hindi ako magsalita ay nagulat ako sa sunod niyang ginawa. I flinched when he held my head to dry my hair. Alam kong naramdaman niya iyon kaya naman agad siyang napalayo. He took a deep breath.

"Can I?" I understand what he was asking. He's asking for permission to continue, but I shook my head, making him stop before making any move. Ibinaba niya ang towel sa gilid at ganoon din ang mga damit na kinuha niya.

"Alright, maybe you can do it. Dress yourself, and dry your hair so you won't catch cold. I'll be back here after you're done, we'll talk." hindi ko siya pinansin at hinayaan siyang lumabas.

I felt like I could finally breathe the moment his presence disappeared. The pounding in my chest began to ease, my heart slowly returning to its normal rhythm. My hands clenched into fists as I squeezed my eyes shut, a heaviness settling over me. I buried my face in my knees, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. Did I... do that again?

Nakakapagod na.

Hindi maiwasang tumulo ng luha ko. This was the ugliest thing I have ever experienced in my whole life. The triggering past that I have always wanted to run away from. Gustong gusto ko nang makalimot, makaahon at mamuhay tulad ng pinapangarap ko. I am looking for peace. I want to heal. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula.

I thought that becoming a part of the Red Society would be the answer. Facing violence head-on, fighting, killing, seeking revenge—I believed it would set me free. But why? Why do I still feel like I'm trapped in my past? No matter what I do, it’s like I’m stuck, unable to move forward. I remain broken, scarred, and tainted, as if nothing I’ve done has healed the damage. Instead of finding peace, I feel as if I’m just reliving the same pain, over and over again.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ako roon, hanggang sa pinilit kong makapagpalit ng damit. I also tried to dry my hair nang maya-maya ay marinig ko ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto. I didn't look. Kung pwede lang, I wanted to chase him away. Why is he even here? Why is he staying? Bakit ginagawa niya 'to?