Single & A Mom

ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙𝟘

It's now later in the day and we've all just been hanging out in our rooms just letting the day pass by.

It wasn't much to really get into today. Well besides Toni throwing a tantrum because I wasn't moving fast enough to feed her. I've been trying to put her milk into sippy cups, but she hates them.

That's my fault apparently. I rarely gave her bottles and now I'm paying for it.

I see it's gonna be a huge struggle trying to ween her off of my boobs.

I might have to look up different ways to do so.

"Toni, please take the bottle. For mommy?" I say and she starts yelling at me.

I sighed giving in and she held onto me so I wouldn't try to unlatch her.

Story of my life right?

"Is she still not taking the bottles?" Betty asked and I responded "unfortunately" with a disappointed tone.

Who knew trying to switch a breastfed baby over to bottles/sippy cups would be so difficult.

When Ve and Be has her, she takes the bottles with no issue....

I just don't understand it.

Toni also is very attached to me. Sometimes I wonder how Toni would act if I had another baby. Would she be mean to he or she? Would she hate them? Would she hate me?

I mean Toni is mean. She took after her mommy and no I'm not saying I'm pregnant or trying. It was just a thought because of how Toni acts.

She's also not really a people person. She cries when people try to touch her or touch me.

Separation anxiety?

Well she surprisingly liked her sperm donor without an issue when she had never met him before the time she did.

He would've made a perfect father if he actually tried. I miss him a lot, but I don't miss the abuse.

I really wish he were here to watch his daughter grow up.

Whatever, though. It wasn't meant to be and I accept that.

Enough of him, though. I think I might have found someone that actually cares about me a lot more than he did.

She's really nice to me and checks up on me with so much care. Be and Ve know nothing about her and I haven't introduced her to Toni yet. It's not the right time to do so.

I just don't want to rush things and after my last relationship, it's going to take a whole lot for me to actually introduce her to everyone.

I'm just not ready for that whole meeting family step yet.

I've clearly learned my lesson from doing that before and look where that had got me.

I still have my guard my up and I don't want my heart getting broke again, so we're taking things slow and she respects that.

I'm hoping things work out between us but i'm also not going to get my hopes up.

More than anything she's a great listener.

She asked me about Shawn and what had happened between us and I was honest.

It took some time because I'm still hurting. He was verbally and physically abusive. Till this day I still regret letting him meet Toni and I'll never forgive myself for that.

I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do and always will.

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Right now we're watching movies and eating snacks.. Well I am scrolling through my instagram feed and decided to post old pictures of myself.