Mindscape

Chapter Five

Urgency coursed through my veins as I launched myself out of bed and hastily made my way to the bathroom. Staring at the mess of a human in the mirror, I realized that I didn't have time to get myself ready at all. After a few seconds of staring back at myself, I saw what I had become. The tangled mess of dry and damaged hair mocked me in the reflection. I knew I didn't have time to wrestle with it. I reached out and grabbed a nearby hair tie, pulling back the unruly locks and throwing it into a sloppy bun.

My sight passed over the toothbrush, and I almost reached out to begin that process for a moment, but with the lack of time, I knew that had to be skipped today. Thankfully, I knew I had a pack of minty gum in my purse that I could use on the ride to work. Panicked, I made my way to my room to change my clothes. Overwhelmed by the piles of clothes strewed out on the floor around the room, I left an unintentional path to walk through. I quickly grabbed a nearby shirt and leggings, knowing full well that the maroon shirt and purple leggings not only didn't match my sense of style but also that they were not considered professional attire in Grace's eyes.

Anxiously, I grabbed my bag and rushed to the kitchen, throwing an energy drink in my purse from the fridge as I made my way to the door. Even there, I struggled to pull on my shoes as quickly as I could. Although I did all of this in a matter of minutes, they felt like the longest minutes. Every minute I was late would look worse in Grace's eyes, and I was dreading that conversation already. As I rushed out the door, my mind flashed back to the situation in the breakroom yesterday. It was obviously still on my mind, and a part of me wanted to call in sick, so I didn't have to see him. Still, I knew I couldn't hide forever. I had already missed my window of opportunity to call in sick without Grace getting suspicious. I pushed it out of my mind, knowing I had to deal with one problem at a time right now.

As I ran down the street towards the nearest subway station, I reluctantly pulled out my phone and began to call Grace. The ringing of the dial tone overtook my mind, making it impossible to come up with a solid alibi. Everything around me was moving at full speed while my brain was only working at half power. Before I had a clear idea of what to say, I heard her voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Grace, it's Heather. I just wanted to let you know that I'm running very late, but I will be there within the next fifteen minutes. I am so sorry...." I was quickly cut off.

"Heather, I don't care what your excuse is. Get here now." She demanded before hanging up. A groan escaped my lips as I ran down the steps into the subway.

Finally, on the train and in my seat, I knew there was nothing else I could do to help for all of the lost time. It was up to the train now. I mentally beat myself up, knowing that I shouldn't have taken the drug last night. A thought popped into my mind as I wondered what Maguire would think about this, but the answer followed shortly after as I knew he would be disappointed in me. Where was he last night? Why hadn't my conscience stepped in and helped me question if this was a good idea or not? Was I ignoring him, or was he not talking at all?

My thoughts then diverted to another topic on my mind: the boxes. I couldn't fathom all that he was saying about the boxes. I remembered hearing others phrase it that way, to put their traumas into boxes, but that couldn't be true. It made more sense if that is how I perceived it since I have heard that expression. But even then, was I going deeper into my traumas, my boxes? Was it even possible? Did I even want to continue down that road? I knew I had been through a lot, and there was a lot that I tried to forget but was it time to fight those boxes? A sliver of frustration reared its head as I realized how annoyed I was at this situation. I purposely wanted to take these pills so that I could escape the cruel reality I live in. I was not expecting to take on the harsh reality that lives inside my mind as well.