DEREK ARKE: In Dark, I Saw Light [Arke & Serenity]

Kabanata 2

It had been so many years since I last cried like this, and it was when my sister, Ate Serendipity, died. Since then, I already promised myself that I would not shed a tear ever again. And I did. I was doing great hiding what I was really feeling. In fact, even that time my ex-fiancé called off from our wedding, hindi ako umiyak. Kahit isang butil ng luha ay wala. I had to be strong, to stand on my own feet and to fight for myself because no one would do that for me. ‘Yon ngang lalaking inakala ko na makatutulong sa akin ay dinismaya lang ako.

I had nothing but disappointment for Arke in the past years. And yes, there was a part of me that was blaming him for how my life had turned. But as time passed by, I realized that it was so unfair to feel that way toward him. Dahil sino ako para magalit na pinili niya ‘yong gusto ng puso niya? Na sinundan niya ‘yong pangarap niya? Sino ako para diktahan siya sa kung ano ba dapat ‘yong maging siya? I had a choice to not do what I had already done. It was all on me. So, I stopped blaming him and also stopped expecting him to help me got out of this dark tunnel I was in. Dahil ako na mismo ang gagawa ng paraan para makaalis dito at gagawin ang lahat para mabigyan ng hustisya ang kapatid ko at ako. I realized that at the end of the day, you only had yourself to help you, only your own hands and arms to hold and hug you. You couldn’t always expect people to help you, even the person you thought would be your hero.

But no matter how hard I tried to live out of the dark, to swim out of this deep and muddy waters, there were still times, like this one, that I could not help myself but to break down. I wished there was a way to forget about what happened, but then again, I guess I was not supposed to forget. God did not want me to forget.

Because forgetting meant forgetting my sister and what happened to her.

That was why even if it was killing me inside, I must remember what happened because that was serving as my driving force, the reason why I was still waking up in the morning, and why I was struggling to live. Hindi ako titigil hangga’t hindi napagbabayaran ng Mayor na ‘yon ‘yong ginawa niya sa aming magkapatid, lalong-lalo na kay Ate Serendipity. What he did to me was horrible already, but what he had done to her? It was inhumane. Hindi siya tao. Demonyo siya. Impyerno ang kalalagyan niya.

I thanked God for the pills I took, it helped me to sleep. Kasi kung wala ‘yon, siguro ay buong magdamag akong binabangunot ng gising. The next day, I was waken up by a persistent shaking of my shoulders and Millie’s high-pitched voice.

“Tats, rise and shine!” she said in full-energy mode already and shook me again. “What a beautiful day to wake up to!”

“Ugh! Inaantok pa ako, Millie,” reklamo ko.

Akala ko ay pagbibigyan niya akong matulog pa pero ang bruha ay pinuwersa akong bumangon. Grabbing my hands, she pulled me up.

“Ugh! You are such a bitch—”

Natigilan ako sa aking sinasabi nang biglang yakapin niya ako nang mahigpit.

“W-what is wrong with you?” I asked, weirded at what she was doing and how she was behaving.