DEREK ARKE: In Dark, I Saw Light [Arke & Serenity]

Kabanata 6

Kissing repulsed me, as did anything related to physical intimacy. Since that horrible incident in my life, I could not bring myself to be close to anyone in that way, particularly to men. Well, except from Millie, her brothers, and yes, strangely as well to Astacia and Ate Guada whom I just met. Aside from them, there was no time did I let myself be close to someone else. Even kissing my ex-fiancé, I could not bring myself to do. Holding hands with him made my stomach churn with disgust. I tried. Really. But my skin would immediately crawl whenever he was near me, like I was seeing that godawful mayor in him, in every man actually. And whenever he managed to touch me, only in rare occasion, he would always get angry, saying I was acting like a bitch. That something must be wrong in my head because we were in a relationship yet I was acting more like a stranger. Perhaps he was right when he said that I was a boring and timid partner, that no man would want someone like me who got dizzy at the mere idea of skin-to-skin contact. Maybe he was also right to call off the wedding because I had so many issues in life. Maybe he was right that I was not cut out for relationships, that I deserved to live and die alone.

Maraming taon na nabuhay ako sa trauma na dulot ng hayop na mayor na ‘yon. But now, I did not know why kissing Arke was the total opposite of what I used to feel with men. Just like the hug last night, with him, I felt nothing but safe and protected, most especially, I did not feel disgusted to myself. Sa isip ko kasi ay marumi na akong babae, dapat na pinandidirihan, kailanman ay hindi magugustuhan.

The kiss deepened to which I melted like an ice cream in his warmth. When I was about to return the kiss no matter how wrong this was because he already had a girlfriend, he suddenly pulled away, his eyes widening in horror, panting like he ran a thousand miles, looking like he could not believe what just happened and like the kiss was a big fucking mistake.

Without saying anything, he walked out on me. Natulala naman ako sa direksyon na tinahak niya at natawa na lamang nang mapait sa loob-loob ko.

How fucked up was it that he was both the poison and the antidote?

Saan na ako pupulutin?

Dahil noon at hanggang ngayon ay siya pa rin.

Umiiyak na Millie ang nadatnan ko noong pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay habang pilit na kinalilimutan at ibabaon na lamang sa limot ‘yong nangyaring halik sa akin ni Arke. I looked at her brothers, Hayes and D’Angelo, asking them what happened.

“Our asshole of a father showed up here, claiming he regretted abandoning us and asking for another chance in our lives,” Hayes chuckled bitterly. “What a fucked-up man he was, right?”

“And of course, Kuya Warren is against it. But Millie is being stubborn once again, very willing to accept him just like that,” sabi naman ni D’Angelo.

“Could you all blame me? I miss Papa so much! Was it wrong to want him?” Millie cried out.

Hayes and D’Angelo both sighed deeply.