mind on paper

one

You came in that day and said "we need to talk" and I remember thinking all the moments and memories that we had together, the way we would sit on the grass holding each other tight and I would feel you tremble while you cried, and I would ask are you alright?
You'd say yes, I'm a guy so I don't cry, but I would know when you where and when you weren't cause I could feel you in my bones, and I could feel you in my heart. I could never see the rivers flowing down your face and I never really knew why you cried but that's okay.

"We need to talk" you said again
and I thought of the running around cause I had this stupid little book and i would laugh because ha! you couldn't catch me, but then you did and you would hug me tight, kiss my cheek and say i love you and I would say I love you too.

We need to talk. Why?
"I'm done" and I remember thinking of the airplane ride to London when you kissed me and it felt so private, which actually wasn't because we where in the middle of a plane at night with people watching all around us but I swear that in that moment i felt like I left the ground which is ironic cause we actually weren't on it. I escaped on the taste of your lips and the smell of your embrace, something I can't do anymore.

We can still be friends.
What a cruel thing to say, don't you know how hard it is, for me to have you and not touch you? How can I remember a touch so clearly? all i do is recall the way your lips would feel against mine and I would stand in the places you ever held me and I would feel your hands holding me and I would breathe in and close the door because it hurt to feel you when in truth you were not there.

You walked away.
That was the last I spoke to you. Your promises vanishing the moment the words escaped your mouth. I ended up sleepwalking throughout my life always trying to move on but never really doing it. Broken shards of glass is what I became ever to often being stepped on by other people and they would find out the way you damaged me and how i somehow would end up damaging them because who can love someone who cannot promise to return the same love. in the end I always tried to feel the way I should feel but with you always around in my memory, I ended up repeating those same words that broke me, "we need to talk".

You were two years ago and look at me now, still deep in your memory not able to surface. I should be happy to say that i found love at such a short age, but is it really something good when all i have now is pain?