Hold On To Me || Kirk Hammett

Part 1- Goodbye So Long

^^The song that inspired this book. Italics are the lyrics.

If I held a flame
for those who hurt in vain

Some people survive chaos, and that's how they grow. I thrived in chaos because chaos was all that I knew. I had danced with my demons, but then they decided they were in charge, so the only answer was making them bleed.

Would you believe in me?

Hell? It sounded like heaven to me because Hell didn't even begin to describe what I felt. I was a bomb being dragged from one place to another, just ticking, waiting to explode.

If I trusted you and bared my soul to you
would you deceive me?

One thing about being damaged, it makes you dangerous. They wanted a grenade, I was an atomic bomb.

"So what's the verdict?" I asked the doctor as she assessed my X-rays.

She looked up, her lips in a thin line. "Rehab."

Ah. The dreaded word. I've overcome heroin without rehab, and I can sure as hell develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to cope with my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

"Don't talk sexy to me, doc, now come on, tell me." I cracked.

"You haven't changed one bit, have you?" She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, trying to stifle her laugh, "You've got a dislocated shoulder."

It's strange how the world works, isn't it? The same woman who nursed my burns in '84 was treating my dislocated shoulder. Let's say that, well, my reckless driving finally caught up to me.

"Well, I'd think I've progressed over the years. You know, druggie to a chef."

Once I shoved the pain aside and slowly climbed to my feet, I did what I loved most. Okay, second most; cooking. I had more than enough money to kickstart my business, and according to everyone, my food tasted like heaven, so on the 15 of April, as a birthday present to myself, Protea opened its doors.

If I failed to do what I set out to do
(Hold the candle tight)

I loved that name. Beautiful, elegant, just like the flower itself. It symbolized diversity, change, courage- and authentically South African- everything I could ever want. Change. That seemed like the only constant in my life. Just uprooting and placed somewhere else. But now, a new era, a new life.

Would you run out?
(Wait until it's right)

And wow, did people love it. Some were just fans of Rabbitt who tried to snag an autograph, but people flooded the place every day. Hell, Al Pacino and Robert Downey jr showed up, and that was all the confirmation I needed to know that I was good.

I was proud of myself. And that would have never happened if I hadn't left. I needed to find myself, and I wouldn't have been able to do that when I was lost in Kirk.

"You mean a heroin junkie to a speed junkie." She stated blatantly.

I kept quiet and absorbed the truth in her word

"You're also in pain because you're over-exerting yourself."

"As in?"

"You're not in the military! You don't need to exercise two hours a day!"

If I could still breathe, I was fucking fine. "Tell me this doesn't look good," I said.

I lifted my shirt and showed her the deep-set abs I'd managed to get. When you eat as much as I did, the fear of getting obese always lingered. And I loved the way guys looked at me.