ceaseless// 5SOS

28

Gabi

"I missed you so much,"

"I missed you too," mum said, holding me close to her, both of us squeezed up on the bed, "What's going on ay? I thought we said we knew you were gonna be okay and get better,"

"I got scared,"

"I know it's scary... it's not very good to start avoiding the doctors on purpose, though. They're here to help,"

"I know,"

"It makes us panic a bit! Because we care about you a lot,"

"I wanna go home,"

She let me cry into her chest for a bit, but did try and calm me down to make sure I didn't feel too crappy.
I had no good reason for why I avoided the ultrasound other than I didn't want it. I didn't wanna stuck be here anymore.

All I wanted to do was feel like myself again. I wanted to feel happy more than sad, and feel okay talking to dad. That's what I missed most. Dad.

"I wanna go home to my first home,"

"Don't say that," dad said, which was the first thing he'd said in probably the last half an hour.

"No, it's okay. If I'm sick then all I want is to go back home... there's nothing quite like your childhood bedroom," mum said, "Would you like some time with just your dad when you go home?"

"Sierra, cmon,"

"It's okay, Luke. Would you like that?" she asked, resting her head by mine, "I'll go and spend some girly time with Crystal. I just want you to feel better, and I know that it doesn't mean you don't like me,"

"Yes please,"

"That is absolutely fine... we can try again when you're feeling better. The distance might make us desperate for each others company,"

I giggled slightly, and felt her cheek move when she smiled, even though dad looked less than impressed.

"You have to promise me you're gonna start being more open again about things though,"

"I promise,"

"Good. How does that sound Luke?"

"Whatever,"

"See you're mad again," I said, instantly tearing up, "You always get mad when I try and say how I feel and you don't like it,"

"I'm not mad, I just, I wanted us to be a family,"

"We are. Why can't you understand that sometimes I just need my dad and I need the whole of him? You're mad and I need you,"

"I don't understand how Sierra being at home with us in our home, changes things,"

"You don't get a lot of things lately,"

"No, Gabi. I don't. I really don't and I am trying my best," he said, his jaw locking as he went teary eyed.

"Just because you have changed everything around me it doesn't mean that I have changed what I want. Why can't you just do this for me? Just for a few days?"

"Because she is my girlfriend, and your mum, and I want you to have your family close to you,"

"But I don't want her, and grandma and grandad, I just want you. For fucks sake, dad, I just want you, even if you called me every horrible thing under the sun I would just want you," I sobbed, "I need you. For a few days. I am begging. I am begging you dad. I know you do a lot for me but I am begging you. Please,"

"Luke, I don't really understand why this is becoming so difficult," mum said, holding the oxygen mask over my mouth as I started to hyperventilate.

"I said we can do whatever,"

"You're being a real asshole right now,"

All the beeping monitors made some nurses come in, and Calum wasn't far behind,

"We need to get your heart rate down,"

"Tell them to stop arguing," I said, "Tell dad to be nice,"

"I think you two should probably step out of the room and resolve this elsewhere. Now,"

Both of them got up and left, then Calum held my hand and made me follow guided breathing, getting me tissues to dry my eyes after.

"What's going on?"

"Mum said she would stay with Crystal and Michael for a few days when I went home and dad got mad. I ... he thinks cos everything's changed that I have changed,"

"Yeah... you always just want your dad when you're sick, don't you?" he said, "That was nice of her,"

"I don't get why he is so against me and him still having time alone,"

"I think he is panicking. I think that in his head, the new house was gonna be perfect, and I know he really made sure right from the start that Sierra would be a good role model for you, so I think in his head you should be looked after by both of them,"

"I don't want them to break up,"

"They're not going to break up over something silly. Like I said, he is panicking, and under pressure because his babygirl is sick. And because you don't feel like yourself, you're not acting like yourself, and he doesn't know what to do just like you don't know what to do,"

"Mum called him an asshole,"

"Well, he probably was being an asshole," he said, smiling slightly, "They won't break up,"

"You're the only person who acknowledges I don't feel like myself, and actually thinks about it,"

"Wait until you get to that support group,"

"I'm gonna go alone to that now,"

"Fair enough,"

"I think I broke dad," I frowned.

"That's a load of nonsense,"

"Why's he being an asshole?"

"He's panicking,"

"I am panicking and I am not an asshole,"

"No, you're not, but you are crying about everything because people respond to panic in different ways," he said, checking his watch, "That doesn't mean it's okay to be an asshole but I can tell you that's why,"

"When does Uncle Ash finish work?"

"I am not sure, but I will tell him you want him,"

"Thank you,"

"I think you should try and have some sleep, it's been a tough day,"

"Tell Uncle Ash I really wanna see him,"

"I will darling. Try and have some rest. It'll resolve itself eventually,"