Your life is like the four seasons, its always changing. You've probably reached a season in your life where you've felt alone. You've felt like your world was crashing down on you, and nobody around you has noticed. Is it okay If I emphasize something to you really fast? You said yes? Okay, good.
The feeling of being alone is just a feeling. Feelings are not permanent. A lot of times we associate how we feel with who we are as a person. Let me elaborate on that a little more.
Normally, when we speak on how we feel we cling our feelings onto us as a person, as a whole. For example, when someone asks how we're doing, we typically answer "I'm okay" or "I'm sad" or "I'm depressed." When talking about how you feel stop using the narrative of "I am...", instead use "I am feeling.." The reason for that is being able to dissociate how you feel with who you are. So when you say to yourself "I'm lonely", change it to "I'm feeling lonely."
Most of the time, we aren't really alone. Some of us struggle with letting people know whats going on, or letting people know that we need help. As humans, we always think that the people around us should automatically know whats wrong, but that isn't necessarily always true. The reason most of us feel alone is because we make ourselves feel that way. In the times we're in right now, so many people are closed off with their emotions, they never say how they feel out loud and expect people around them to be mind readers. When I talk to people who don't know how to express themselves they often say, "Why should I tell anybody how I'm feeling when they won't understand? Or they won't care anyway?" The real question is, how do you know they won't understand? How do you know if they care or not? Exactly. You don't know, because you haven't even tried.
Now, if you are one of those people who are actually lonely, its not always a bad thing. Studies actually say that people who are alone work harder, and progress more. Surprisingly for me, being alone sometimes is peaceful and refreshing. I get to sit back and evaluate myself, and get back into my daily routines that keep me in good moods. But then again, I haven't always been openly accepting to the fact that it was just me, by myself, all the time.
When I first had my "alone" phase, I was confused. I felt lost, and I did indeed felt like I didn't have anyone. I was kind of forced into being alone after losing all my friends, and having failed talking stages and relationships. Lets just say, I didn't take the loneliness lightly because I've always had people to lean on. As I grow more, I realize that I needed that space and time to be alone. I needed to stop being so co-dependent of others to fill me with happiness and find happiness within myself.
I remember one day I was going through a hard time, and I decided to get up and go out. I ended up going to bonefish grill by myself, to get something to eat. Mind you, that was my first time ever eating out alone. The waiter came over to take my order, a very nice & beautiful black woman. After I placed my order for the bang-bang shrimp tacos, my waiter apprehensively asked me if anyone else was joining me for dinner. I looked at her with the fakest smile on my face, not because I was annoyed with her or anything, but because I wasn't expecting for her to ask me that. I kindly answered back and told her that nobody would be joining me. She then gave me a sad puppy dog kind of look and said, "If I weren't on the clock, I'd sit down and have dinner with you. You seem like a nice girl to chat with."
I just lied so bad. She said everything except for the "nice girl to chat with" part. I just wanted to add that in there because I do indeed feel like i'm a nice girl to chat with. - inserts hella laughing emojis -
Back to the discussion. After having my first eating out alone experience, I kind of don't mind going out eating alone and doing things by myself.
You want to know what my mom always used to tell me? She used to say for me not to get used to having people around, because when you die, you die alone and the only person in that casket with you, is you.
The fear of being alone weighs on us a lot, but its not all bad. It kind of ties in with figuring out who you are as a person because other people can't figure that out for you. We all know in order to do that, we have to have some kind of alone time.
Special round of applause to those people who actually know how to be alone without being forced to, cause' that shit is hard as hell.
