Sirens and pirates

The fear kicks in

Authors note: forgot to mention in the last chapter, suddenly decided sirens can make the color of their scales lighter or darker

You arent used to being alone.

You've never been alone once in your life, at least until now, how could you have ever possibly gotten used to it?

Yes you're bored when you're alone, but also you're nervous when you're alone.

You're vulnerable when you dont have a pod.

You dreamed of not being a part of your shitty pod many times, but you're just now noticing the reality.

Without a group, you're weak.

Sure they were shitty, but you were together to fight.

You dont know how to fight alone.

If something bad were to come up, more than just some of the rude people on this ship, you wouldnt be able to defend yourself as well as you could if you were still with your pod.

Slowly, you curl up again at the bottom of the barrel and fidget with some of your fins.

You're...kind of scared.

No, not just kind of scared. Very afraid.

You're alone, abandoned by your pod, stuck in a barrel of water, and captured by pirates who you cant even injure that intend to sell you.

You don't know how you've gone these past couple days without a full on panic attack.

But you are definitely starting to have one now.

You feel yourself start to tremble a bit and your grip as you fidget with your fins increases as you think.

You have Pluto, maybe Opal and those two kids just now, but then there's the rest of the damned pirates that captured you.

Most of them seem to avoid you, but 'Monty' and the grey furred one seem to dislike you and bully you.

Not unlike some of your siblings.

None of them really truly liked you. 

You were the smallest out of them, and at first they didn't quite understand that you were the runt and tried to feed you the most so that you'd get bigger like them. 

But always stayed smaller than them.

And eventually they gave up. And not that long after started avoiding really interacting with you due to your opinions on how your kind does things.

Really, if you think about it, you've always been alone.

And unfortunately you cant stop thinking about it at the moment.

You feel like you're suffocating, maybe even drowning. Is this choking distressed feeling what humans experience when they're drowning?

But how could you be feeling that, you cant drown?

You try to take in a deep breath through your gills to try to calm down, but you don't succeed that well.

Stupid...stupid....stupid......useless......is that why you're siblings abandoned you?

You....you werent useless were you?

Maybe you could've proved to them that you weren't useless. Maybe they wouldn't have abandoned you if you did?

Or if you didn't get caught, would they have decided to get rid of you anyway?

Your mind hurts, you want to stop, but you cant, the thoughts keep coming, different repressed fears unlocking.