Since we were part of a game we didn't even know about, Darcy and I decided to play too.
Oliver got extremely uncomfortable when one of us made a move on him. He liked playing and being flirty but couldn't take the heat when any of us shot back, so me and my girl decided to have fun with that.
"Today you'll ignore him?" she asked on our chat.
"Yes, and you will pursue him" I replied.
We carried on with the plan for a week, I guess I was in a blaming stage of heartbreak. I just wanted to point at an enemy and, for that week, that enemy was Oliver. Darcy moved on to being my greatest ally in this one-sided battle.
But I did enjoy Oliver's face of confusion whenever I walked past him as if he wasn't there, then the next day I would hug him tight and call him 'love'. Darcy was doing the same but we made sure to switch it up every day.
After that fun week, the true heartbreak started to hit.
And it's in those moment when one feels the ugliest, most unlovable, mediocre girl in the world. I kept repeating Darcy's words in my mind and imagining all the things he might have said to her without me knowing.
I imagined his words, his face while typing them, his thoughts. What could've happened if it weren't for me? Was I even a reason to stop them? Because I didn't feel like one.
I knew where my insecurity was taking me and I did not want to fall for that blaming game again. I was terrified of losing Darcy again, for being such a loser. I found my shelter in her, spending as much time as possible in her company and not letting anyone else break into our whimsical, perfect world of sisterhood.
My only safe escape was writing, I wrote my thoughts and my experiences to let it out somehow. After all, this is how this story was born.
The bad thing is I'm probably too honest, or my intentions aren't well comunicated. Darcy read something about how I felt about her when everything with Oliver happened, I thought I made it clear that I was the one that was wrong, but still I should have kept some thing unsaid.
"Are we okay?" I asked when I noticed her strange behaviour.
"I guess I just need time" she replied, I sighed deeply as I realized what her distant behaviour was about.
"I tried to be as honest as possible but I didn't mean to hurt you. I think I made it very clear that I was the one wrong" I stated.
"I know, but still. Reading how you felt about me wasn't easy" finally, she confessed.
I felt like I had to maintain my oath to be completely honest with her all the time, especially about what I felt. "I get how you feel but, please don't forget that I suffered too. I feel like, ever since I apologized to you, it has become all there is. Like the only thing that matters is what I did wrong, and hw I felt during those days or the reasons I had were completely erased" I spat out. "Also, you know I write for myself, to get things out of my chest. Not to hurt anyone or be judged."
"I think we moved on too quickly," she said aand, honestly, I agreed. "We turned a blind eye to everything that happened and we continued like nothing. We've been completely overlooking our situation and I think we both still more time to process it."
I carried on with my things for those days, we took a break of each other. I was running some errands one day when I couldn't get all these things off of my head, so I texted Alex to see if I could go to his house. As soon as he replied a yes, I began quickly walking to his house.
I walked in fumbling and stressed, and immediately asked for coffee.
I sat down while Alex prepared our beverages and told him about the conversation I had with Darcy the night before.
