the one that got away ; jenyong

thirteen

"It has been months," Doyoung said as he put his phone down on the table as soon as he took a seat in front of me. I looked at him and noticed a few changes in his appearance.

   His hair is slightly shorter and he loses a bit of weight too. Even though it wasn't that long since we last met, I was surprised to see his appearance changed a bit. Doyoung looked different, but to be very honest he looked brighter than he was before.

"How are you?" I asked him, starting a conversation.

"Doing well," Doyoung answered shortly.

   It was almost 10 months since the breakdown started. The day when both of us finally call it quit.

After that night, I realised that I wasn't fully prepared and ready enough to enter marriage life. Turns out my mental illness was getting worse at that time I started to have delusions and hallucinations about something that didn't exist.

   I decided to go on a break for a while and cancel all the plans I have made with Doyoung. It was hard for him to take but still, he was kind enough to understand my struggles and hardships.

"Well, you told me to make up my mind and contact you whenever I am ready to decide," I said. Doyoung threw me a slight smile as he waited for me to continue talking.

   "I decided to not get married." I finally made up my mind. Doyoung smiled, as he looked down at the table.

   "I'm sorry," I slipped an apology.

   "Don't be," Doyoung said, still wearing his smile. I could sense a bit of disappointment in his way of talking.

And it made me feel a lot more guilty.

   "I feel like if I chose to get married to you I will end up ruining you. I have put you through hell by making you wait for me to get better for years. But I stayed the same. I don't think you deserve to live the rest of your life with someone like that." I explained.

Doyoung looked up at me and he reached his hand out to grab mine.

   "I understand, Jennie," he said.

   "I don't regret one bit about the idea of waiting for you. I would gladly do it again if I were given a chance." Doyoung said.

"If you told me to wait again, I will. I don't care how long it takes, as long as it will be the two of us at the end I think everything is worth trying." I looked at him wearing the most genuine smile I have ever seen.

   "But since you decided to make me stop waiting then I'll do it. It's your choice that matters the most to me. I realized that loving someone is not only about making efforts how to keep them around." he said.

"It's also about learning to let go of them for the better. And I am doing it right now with my heart still full of love towards you, Jennie." tears started to gather around the corner of my eyes. I felt those words hit so close to my heart.

   I looked down and at the same time, tears fall down my shirt. I am grateful I was made to love a person like Doyoung in a short part of my life. Even though I couldn't properly let go of my past at the moment, I am still convinced that I do love Doyoung with my whole heart.

Even if it was just for a while, he indeed freed me once from my unforgettable past. Doyoung was the only guy to be able to do that. That's why he still plays a huge part in my life even though it didn't end up well between the two of us.

   I will forever be thankful to him.

"So Jennie, if by chance in the future, you suddenly decide to love again, love me. I will always be there ready for you."