𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 (Ash Trilogy #3) ✔️

16

Dear Diary, yesterday I killed a man.

The entire point of this fucking diary is to hold myself accountable. To keep me from doing the exact thing I did. 

I killed someone. 

Again.

All of his stuff is still in the pocket of my hoodie. Once the sun goes down, I need to go and dispose of all of it, even the sweater. 

But it wasn't just a person that I killed. It was Snow's ex of a year, the person she experienced multiple different important moments with. And even though I don't feel guilty about killing him, I feel guilty for the pain I know it will cause her. 

I remain in my dorm until nightfall. I put everything in an old gym bag that I'm going to fill with rocks and toss into the river.

Wearing a dark red hoodie, I walk out of my dorm. I keep my face blank and my movements normal.

But when I pass by Marcel's dorm and see police officers coming in and out of it, I gulp. I force my eyes away from them and look forward at the door I need to walk out of. A police officer stands in the hallway, writing in his notebook, just steps away from me.

I don't look at him. I hold my breath while passing him, holding all of the evidence of the crime in my bag.

The officer's eyes move up and meet mine as I pass him. My face may be blank, but my heart is pounding in my chest.

"Hey there," is all he says, like I was just another person, then goes back to writing in his notebook.

I let out a sigh once I get outside.

I run to my fucking car. I can't carry this shit with me for a second longer.

I speed to the same body of water I threw the charm bracelet in. I run out of my car and begin filling the bag with stones quickly. Once the bag gets heavy I go onto the bridge and throw it over.

It splashes in the water. I press my palms against the bridge and lean forward, watching it sink. I continue standing here for another 10 minutes, making sure that it doesn't come back up. 

Fuck.

I didn't think this shit through at all.

I don't know if I left anything behind linking me to it or if I was captured on any security cameras that night.

This is going to crush Snow.

It's going to hurt her.

And it's my fault.

I could try my best to justify it, but I'm not. I could tell myself he had it coming, he deserved it. I could tell myself that this was just revenge on Snow, to cause her pain like she caused me. But I knew that wasn't true. I killed him out of jealousy because of the way he spoke about a woman I will never have. 

I sit. I sit on the cold wooden bridge, in the pitch black, listening to the sound of crickets. I feel empty, numb, yet in so much pain at the exact same time. I sit here alone. I don't know how much time passes. 

I reach into my pocket and grab the joint I had in here. I needed to buy something last night to try and get the night off of my mind. 

I hold it between my teeth and light it with my right hand while shielding it from the wind with my left. I inhale, and even though the taste is still disgusting, I've grown to be able to stomach it more. I grab the travel-sized bottles of whiskey and began downing them one after the other. 

I have no redeeming qualities. 

There must be a reason why Snow doesn't like me. My personality must be bland and my appearance subpar. She's the opposite of both of those things.