-{Helping Potter}-

(1)

It was the Easter holidays and Harry limped towards the forest, covered in his own blood. Ronald, Ginerva, and Hermione had just finished beating him to a pulp.

He eventually got to his stream and started dressing the wounds and drinking blood repleneshing and healing potions.

When he was done, he stood up to see two thestral foals. They'd, undoubtedly, come because they smelled his blood.

He laughed hoarsly and summoned two peices of meat for them to munch on. Meanwhile, six deatheaters watched him.

Did Harry sense them? Yes. But did he care enough to do anything? Nope. He walked to where their camp was just out of sight and lit a weed cig.

They'd followed him and were watching with interest as he took a long drag, closing his eyes contently.

Eventually, they came out to face him and eyed his wand, silently daring him do do something. He didn't. He just opened his eyes and looked at them blearily.

"Evenin', Malfoy, Nott, Parkinson. You other three." He said, taking another drag and gesturing to them.

"You realize we're deatheaters, yes?" The Malfoy lord said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Too high to care." Harry said lazily, his voice an octave higher than usual.

Harry bit the cigarette in between his teeth and climbed the tree that he was previously leaning on. He hung himself upside down and took another drag.

"Good lord, he really is high." Barty Crouch Jr. muttered.

Harry giggled hollowly and started singing a muggle nursery rhyme he'd altered.

"'Round and 'round the whomping willow, Voldy chased the scar head. Red light, green light, Potter falls dead." He took another drag, humming in content.

Harry fell out of the tree and landed on his feet, startling Lucius, who had rushed to catch him.

"Awe~ you do care." Harry said in a mockingly bored tone.

Malfoy scoffed as Harry laid down on the cruchy fall leaves. Yaxley and Dolohov watched the boy with curious expressions, shocked at the 'Gryffindor Golden Boy's' behavior.

Barty blinked, amused at his antics and the fact that the boy was now crossing his eyes at the sky.

"That's dizzying." Harry commented lightly, uncrossing his eyes.

Yaxley snorted and shook his head.

"This child certainly is entertaining." He said.

The rest nodded as Harry sat up, dusting himself off. They watched as Harry snuffed out the cigarette and transformed into a large King Cobra, about twelve feet long.

Harry, now a majestic snake, slithered up the tree he'd hung from and perched there, his gleaming scales stinging their eyes in the moonlight.

Dolohov rolled his sleave up and glanced at Malfoy, who nodded. Pressing the Mark, Dolohov sucked in a breath as the Dark Lord was teleported to their location.

"Why did you call me, Dolohov?" He all but hissed. "Did I not say wait until you had found the boy?"

"You did my Lord, but we have him here. He is a King Cobra animagus." Dolohov assured, pointing to the snake, who was watching them with interest.

Harry slid down the trunk of the tree and transformed again, smiling goofily. He lit another cigarette and took a drag.

"Hey." He said, blinking.

He yawned and leaned up against the tree. Voldemort blinked.

"Is he-?" He turned to them. "What in Merlin's name did you do to him?"

"We didn't do anything. That's his second, whatever it is, in a quarter of an hour." Malfoy explained.

"It's a cigarette. It's a muggle thing filled with a weed that you light and smoke. It makes my brain all fuzzy and tired but it makes the pain go away~" Harry said absent mindedly.

They looked at him questioningly, all raising their eyebrows and eyebrow muscles(Voldy).

"What do you mean, boy?" Voldemort asked curiously.

"Weasle and Mudblud torture me~" Harry sang. "Cruciatus, blood curdle, slashing charm~. They think it's right fun~"

The adults look horrified as he took a drag.

"Do the teachers know?" Malfoy asked, looking stricken.

"Dumbles, the Weasley's minus the twins, and Umbitch." He said; his voice was airy, like he was talking about the weather.

He took another long, deep drag, making rings with the smoke.

He hummed as the dark artists exchanged concerned, conflicted, and infuriated looks.

Harry hummed a tune and finished his cigarette, snuffing it out. He laid down on the crunchy leaves and closed his eyes in contentment.

"You realize that I am the one who is prophisied to kill you, right?" Voldemort said, raising a non-existant eyebrow.

"To high to care. Also, the prophesy said that you were destined to mark me as your equal in battle and existance, not to kill me." Harry said. "I'm gonna sleep now."

Harry dosed off and Barty picked him up. They apperated to Malfoy manor and laid him down in the guest room.

'This is going to be a handful.' They all thought.