CotS #2: A Brighter Future (currently being rewritten)

Chapter Six

Rainpaw doubted anyone was pleased with how hard-headed she was being, saying she didn't care about herself, or that her mother's death hadn't hit her. That made her seem selfish, but for once in her life, Rainpaw questioned whether she even cared.

The three cats who had cared about her, who had loved her – they were gone, and they'd never come back. Perhaps Rainpaw should go to the Moonstone and contact them, or perhaps she shouldn't. She could, but she'd need Icestar's permission and they were moving off now. She herself had insisted on it, charging southwards like she had. Rainpaw started to regret her rash decisions, but what did she need from Silverdusk anyway? Her mother had chosen to leave her and throw herself into the gorge.

Rosestream tried to talk to Rainpaw as they walked, but Rainpaw didn't want anything from her. Rosestream was a nice she-cat, but she wasn't Rainpaw's family. Ironically, all of her family was dead, and her sudden closest relatives were Honeybee, Starrynight or Dogspring.

Now that she thought of it, by her mother's first lifetime, Peacewind was related to her as well. Still, did Rainpaw care? She didn't need relatives or family. They were all going to die all over again, and that didn't matter at all. If she cared about a cat, they just had to die, didn't they? It was better not to love anyone, to never express feelings, and she'd be safer.

"Rainpaw," Honeybee meowed quietly, moving swiftly up to stand by the silver she-cat's side. Rainpaw looked up at Honeybee and immediately looked down again. The medicine cat looked exhausted with dark shadows underneath her eyes. Clearly the Clan had a lot to be cared for. But did she expect Rainpaw to sympathize? Common sense and sanity had vanished along with the deaths of her family members. Rainpaw was hardly the cat Honeybee should be going to.

Rainpaw nodded stiffly to Honeybee. She'd started opening up, yelling as she had, but really, she was still the introverted cat she'd always been. Where had her kithood gone? Out the window?

"Rainpaw, I know this is hard," Honeybee meowed patiently. "I also lost my brother, okay? We're in it together, and we're kin."

"You lost your brother, not your entire family," Rainpaw spat. "Leave me alone." She whipped around and stalked off with the rest of her Clan, and made sure to avoid Honeybee at all costs.

The journey to a new home was probably going to take moons, and for all Rainpaw knew, she might become a warrior along the way. Technically, Icestar had already named her a warrior – Rainmist. But Rainpaw wasn't going to become a warrior until Minkfur named her one. She trusted Minkfur and barely knew Icestar, despite the leader being her great-grandmother. She didn't need any outsiders poking around her life. And though she didn't really want to admit it, Rosestream was also an outsider, and even more like one since she used to be a rogue. Rainpaw wouldn't hold it against her, but the fact remained that she couldn't really talk to anyone.

Soon, Icestar called the Clan to stop for a hunt and to break. Rainpaw's paws were barely tired but she was sweating. Maybe she was tired, only she didn't care. Why should she care? Everyone she loved and cared about was gone. There was no point in living anymore. What for? To get her warrior name? The simple pleasures of life had once been enticing to Rainpaw, but not anymore.

Icestar gingerly stepped up to her great-granddaughter, as if almost expecting Rainpaw to lash out, but Rainpaw let her come silently, watching Icestar intently.

"Rainpaw, I don't want to see you moping around like this," Icestar sighed. "Come on. Do you think Silverdusk would want you to do this?"

"Do you think she cared?" Rainpaw flashed back bitterly. She knew hurt was probably shining in her eyes. She didn't want to seem weak, but what else could she do? She felt weak at the moment. Her father and sister's deaths hadn't been intentional, but her mother had killed herself, knowing she still had a daughter to care for, a daughter who had no family. Silverdusk hadn't cared, and she'd thrown herself into the gorge anyway.