Acolyte

Momma I Loved a Narcissist

Momma I Loved a Narcissist

November 16th, 2021

"When a Narcissist can't control you any longer, they'll attempt to control how others perceive you."

It was always my Fault..?

Why was it always my fault?

Can't you see I'm breaking myself apart to make you love me, again?

Maybe it was me?

You said it was my fault?

How can I fight you off,

When you speak so often.

Maybe it is, my trauma brain?

Maybe you're right?

"I miss you." I'll text.

"I know." You'd Respond.

Fallowing the Crumbs.

Bit by bit.

Leaving a piece of myself behind, to hold only a crumb of your affection.

"See, she's Crazy! Posting about me, Constantly!" You Seethed.

You Yelled.

You Bellowed.

While I laid Silent.

How can I out talk you.

So, I believe it too.

I believed you.

Maybe it was my fault.

I laid in bed, I sobbed for hours,

I yearned for answers,

I wept for truth,

I begged for forgiveness.

I demanded for Respect,

Just to watch you stomp me out,

Over, and over, and over again.

"You're a liar!" He accused.

And I lied there,

Oh did I lie there,

Screaming for you to take mercy on me.

Release me, from this endless cycle.

I chose you,

But I didn't choose this.

I never wanted this...

A glutton for punishment,

A Dreamer with a invasion of imagination,

A whip with a pen,

But a lowsy pick of Men.

My scars, they still burn,

From where you shredded me apart,

My heart still aches,

It longs for the feeling of Accomplishment.

But, then again, you'd never talk to me one on one,

You demanded for an audience,

And to hell with me if I got in the cross fire,

Monkey in the middle,

No one wins in this reckless game,

Except you.

You always enjoyed the games,

But you always demanded to win...

Even if you weren't fair to the rules.

"I Can't believe you're doing this, on this week, that's been so emotional for me."

Even when I pleaded for you to stop this,

I wept at your feet, for you to stop,

You turned your back to them,

Faced me down,

And I saw you for exactly who you were...

"Why are you doing this to me..." I wailed.

You expected me to crawl back,

You wanted me to apologize,

Like every time before.

"Because you made me the bad guy, on Facebook."

You held my life in your hands,

Hostage, to your self rivalry,

You loved the show,

On my knees,

Tears streaking my face,

My chest rattled.

"You have to bow down..." They whispered.

"You don't have a choice." They coxed.

"Play nice..." They advised.

I really believed I could walk away,

Unscathed,

I believed you'd simply release me,

Silly me,

You held my most precious gifts in your grasp,

The last ounce of happiness,

The last Bargaining chip.

You held my baby in your hands,

"You know what you've done to me?" He seethed down to me,

His grip was so tight,

The pain was livid,

I wanted to fight for her, For the life I wanted,

I was willing to go toe to toe with you,

But the thought boiled your skin.

I sat on the ground, as you carried her away from me,

"Call this a parting gift, so I never have to see you again." I whispered.