Hotline Hazbin 2: Murder on the Line

Invisible Touch

Yesterday… could have gone better. Regardless, we got paid, and that's that. I'm currently in my 'office', which is just a Garfield landline phone in the corner of the meeting room. I'm apparently head of internal affairs, which is probably just the same thing as bounty hunting. I hate office jobs. I'm just supposed to sit here and stare at this phone until it rings, which hasn't happened. It almost reminds me of prison, and my old 'job'...

 I get up and jump through the window, onto the fire escape. I make my way up and onto the roof, where I sit down on the edge. The view is nice, but I'm still just sitting around. Maybe I shouldn't have killed Vox, maybe he had more interesting work…

…

No, Vox had to go. The whole thing felt familiar, almost like they copied the Russians. Doesn't matter now, what's done is done, no need to think about it. 

I must have a thousand yard stare, because I didn't hear the phone ring until that Hellhound came screaming after me. I still don't know her name.

Hellhound: Are you fucking deaf?! The goddamn phone has been ringing for the past five fucking minutes! Get the fuck down there already!

She was about to start foaming at the mouth. I get up and make my way back down to the phone. Once I make it to the meeting room, I sit down and pick up the receiver.

???: Hello? Eh, whatever, at least someone picked up. Look, there's this girl I need you to take care of. She recently dumped me and took all my shit, like a fucking gold digger! I'd take care of her myself, but she's been using her friends as a shield. I need you to teach her, and her group of selfish cunts, a lesson. Or just kill them, fuck if I care. I'll send you the address.

I get a notification on my phone, showing the address. With that, I leave the office and descend the elevator. I reach the ground floor and walk to my Acado. After viewing the address one last time, I pull out of the parking lot and drive off. 

After half an hour of driving, I finally found the right address. It appeared to be a large apartment complex. I pull into the parking lot and walk inside. I walk past the receptionist, who was smoking dope, and head into the elevator. Once in the elevator, I head to the penthouse floor. As the elevator ascends, I make sure to check my guns and ammo reserve. If there's only three of them, I should have plenty. 

Once the elevator opened, I walked into the hallway to find an ornate wooden door at the end. I open the door and walk in. It looked like the entire penthouse was made of marble, with white furniture to match. Past the foyer was a living room with a glass wall overlooking the whole city. Seated in front of that wall were three lizard demons, each of them holding a wine glass. They must have heard me enter the room, because one stood up and turned to me.

???#1: Randy, I swear to Satan, if y- 

Once she had fully turned, she saw me. By this time, I drew my 1911, aimed at her head. 

???#1: Finally! An actual challenge!

With that, all three of them disappeared. What the hell?! I shouldn't act so surprised, this is Hell, after all. Once they had disappeared, and probably surrounded me, they sprayed a mist that smelled like hot peppers. Since I had my mask on, it had no effect, but my nose still stung. 

I then had an idea. I shifted my mask to Rick and tried to get an angle to fire. I pulled the trigger and heard a hiss.

???#3: Ah, mother fucker!

Now I saw a trail of red trickling to the floor. I grabbed a vase off of a nearby counter and threw it at the trail of blood. The vase exploded and covered the lizard in dirt. Now that I had a general idea of where to aim, I pulled the trigger. Blood sprayed everywhere, and I heard a thud. One of the lizards faded out of invisibility. A clean shot between the eyes. I turned to face the other two, but a fist came into contact with my jaw. I slid across the floor, but managed to keep my balance. Once I regained my composure, I found my jaw had been dislocated. Now, I'm angry.